The Duplication of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Rai Shu
Summary: Since Haruhi had brought up the possibility of sliders, it seemed obligatory that those said sliders would soon make their presence known to me. Of course, they would also make certain that only I knew and not Haruhi, if they kept to this pattern...
1. Chapter 1

The Duplication of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Haruhi Suzumiya and the SOS Brigade

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"All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it's like being ambushed by a grotesque." -- Guildenstern, from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard

* * *

Important note: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people or places in this story is purely coincidental.

Author's notes: Please be aware that there was no actual author. Any resemblance of this story to existing stories is purely coincidental.

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- Chapter 1: A Missed Meeting

Despite what anyone tells you, it's never fun getting hit in the face. I know this for a fact because just this morning, somewhere between the desk and my closet, I somehow managed to trip and hit myself. I know this happened because when I briefly glanced in the mirror on my way out, I noticed a nice little bruise on my cheek. It didn't hurt before I walked out the door, but man did it hurt when I walked to school. Not fun.

Thankfully, I bumped into Miss Mikuru Asahina on the way. Just seeing her pretty face made me forget all about the bruise on mine. At least until she said, "Oh my! You're hurt!" She then immediately touched the bruise and then recoiled, as if from an electric shock.

I reflexively touched it, myself. And that's about when the throbbing set in.

Mikuru must have noticed the pained expression on my face, because she winced in sympathy and said, "Oh Kyon, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have touched it."

"No problem," I said, deflecting my thoughts of pain with looking at her face. When she looks at me like that, with so much sympathy and distress, it really does take my mind right off the pain. I wonder if she knows that her face is like a pain-killing drug?

"Maybe you should go see the nurse?" she suggested.

"No," I replied, "that's okay. It's just a little bruise." At this point, I was apparently giddy from the effect of her face, and I laughed in a nicely reassuring way.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm fine, really," I replied. "So, how are you doing?"

I didn't really expect a reply, but she said, "Oh, I'm okay." Then, maybe to take her mind off of my bruise, she added, "It's awfully cold, lately."

"Yeah," I said, not really sure where she was going with that.

Mikuru looked around in a strangely nervous way and then said, "It's really nice to see you again."

Having just seen her yesterday, I thought she was joking, so I said, "Well, it's good to be back."

Mikuru laughed nervously and then asked me, "So, how's your little sister doing?"

"Huh?" I asked, genuinely convinced that she was not joking now. "Umm... Little sister?"

She appeared surprised for a moment, then she blushed strangely and said, "Oh! I'm sorry! I think I got you confused with someone else."

I was just about to say that I was an only-child when I saw something a little more familiar. Haruhi was standing in front of some guy looking irritated. She barked something at him and then turn around in a huff. I was too caught up in feeling sympathetic pity for this poor guy to notice that Miss Asahina had hurried off.

"See you later," Mikuru said as she dashed off into school.

"Later," I said to the air behind her, stopping to scratch my head for a moment.

Little sister? I know Mikuru's a time traveler, so maybe she got me confused with some alternate-history version of me. That's not the part that bothered me, though. As I stood there, I wondered how different my life would have been if I had had a little sister. Maybe I'd have never met Haruhi, and my life would have been completely normal. Maybe I could have had a nice, normal high school life with a nice, normal girlfriend and nice, normal, everyday problems...

Yeah, right.

If I have a sibling in this world like a little sister, it would be Haruhi. She's such a little brat all the time, I feel like I'm her big brother. The way she cut her hair definitely reinforces that notion, plus the way she treats me. You'd think we were related if you didn't know better.

I just knew she wouldn't notice my bruise, much less dote on it like Mikuru did earlier. I was right, too. Haruhi spent most of the time in class in her own world, furiously writing things and then scratching them out. They weren't notes, that's for sure. I know that because she would stop and glance at me for a moment, then get a big grin on her face and write something down. Then she would write and write and write, and then grimace and scratch out a few things. Knowing her, it had something to do with whatever she was planning to ruin my next weekend with.

I didn't hang around in class to find out, but went straight to the club room. Itsuki Koizumi and Yuki Nagato were already there, playing some card game. Since Mikuru wasn't there, I decided to consult the next best thing: pictures of Mikuru stored on the computer.

Much as I might hate Haruhi's bratty way of treating me, her hobbies have some very nice perks. Namely, the ever-changing pictures I get to transfer to this computer of Mikuru in many and assorted costumes. Frankly, the only reason I bother with this club sometimes is because of these pictures, but mostly I come here in the hope of seeing her smiling face in person. I'm always unwaveringly nice to her, not just because she's a pretty face, but also because I don't think this club would exist without her.

Speaking of unwavering niceness, Koizumi didn't neglect to mention that he noticed my bruise, and he apologized for it. His opinion I can do without, especially since he always comes across as a creep, a nice creep though he may be. I'm not so heartless as to refuse to speak with him, though, and I must admit that I do enjoy the lunatic ideas he has about Haruhi. It's entertaining, if disturbing and horrific.

Today was a relatively strange day, and somehow we ended up talking about Haruhi and her irritation with being confessed to.

"Six times?" he asked, skeptically. "Six times? You mean, this month? Six times, right?"

"This week," I corrected him, emphatically.

"How many days has there been?"

"Five."

"So," he concluded, "at least two times on one particular day."

"Twice on Monday," I clarified, "once Tuesday, and three times just today. I'm surprised you don't already know."

He countered with, "Why do you say that?"

"Aren't you empathic or something?" I asked him. "I thought you said you were linked in with Haruhi's wavelength or something like that."

Koizumi laughed and replied, "Give me a break. It's not like I can just rewind a tape and look for details."

I think Koizumi doesn't like explaining his "powers" to me, especially with Yuki Nagato in the room. This was just too good an opportunity to see how open he was willing to be. "Really?" I asked him. "I mean with something like this..."

"Miss Suzumiya's love life is really none of my business," he replied.

"You could have fooled me," I muttered.

Koizumi had spent so much time trying to shove Haruhi and me into some kind of relationship, he must have known how absurd it was for him to try to deny it, now. "Listen," he explained. "I don't really know the whole process myself, but it isn't like I can just look into a magic mirror and find important events in Miss Suzumiya's life. I have to wait until we start seeing the consequences of her moods--"

"You assume," I injected.

"I assume," he added, smoothly patronizing me. "Indeed. Anyway, I'm well aware of how frequently guys hit on Miss Suzumiya. I just can't be bothered with the exact number."

"Well," I said, "the number is six just this week."

"Six," he said, pondering. "She sure leads a busy life."

"She sure is late," I added, instantly regretting it. I don't really want her to show up on time. In fact, I'd prefer if she just stayed away from the club. "Hey Nagato," I said, trying to steer the conversation away from my own remark, "have you been confessed to, lately?"

Now, Yuki isn't the type of girl you'd normally think of as being popular, though she does have a pretty face. At this moment, she turned to me and looked blankly confused. I wasn't completely sure how I had arrived at this question for her, and it struck me funny. Seeing her serious expression, however, reminded me that she was alien to this notion of interaction.

Before I could say anything, Koizumi persisted, "At least six times that you know of?"

"As far as I know," I replied, turning back to Yuki.

"What type of confession?" she asked.

"Has anyone confessed their love for you?" I explained to her.

"Oh," she said, turning back to her card game.

Okay, while this awkward pause is occurring here, I should explain that Yuki Nagato is an alien in the quite literal sense of the word. I know for a fact that she has some freaky superhuman abilities, but even more than that, she has a very stoic attitude. Sometimes, I get the impression that she's more of a machine than a person. To any normal person or Haruhi, Yuki appears to be just a shy and studious girl, but she has proven herself to me to be the strangest person I know.

"I have not noticed any such incidents," she said, greatly exceeding her usual verbosity.

I think even Koizumi was a little embarrassed by that exchange, because he cleared his throat and added, "Anyway, like I said. Miss Suzumiya's love life is really none of my business. I was just curious when you said that she was getting really fed up with all the confessions lately."

"Really fed up," I confirmed. "I think she was about to punch one guy."

"This is all news to me."

"No sudden closed spaces? No celestials?"

"No."

Apparently, Koizumi is comfortable with the idea of discussing some of his strange duties in front of Yuki. I had a feeling he might be, but it was nice to see for sure. "Okay," I said. "I was just curious, myself."

"Right," he added, nicely.

I could sense that he was getting tense about this issue, so I observed, "I mean, it could just be a coincidence."

"Not every frustration in her life translates into a world-class phenomenon," he stated, a little defensively.

"You sure?" I asked, gently probing.

"I mean," he said, clearly grasping for a convincing reason, "there is the possibility that we just don't see everything she does to vent her frustrations. It could also be that she isn't exactly fed up to get hit on all the time. Maybe she finds it flattering. Heck, maybe having guys confess to her all the time and acting fed up about it is one of those things she truly wishes for, deep down inside. Who knows?"

Koizumi, the devout priest of the Goddess Haruhi, was reduced to admissions of agnosticism. I couldn't help celebrating this betrayal with a further observation, "You have an awfully convenient way of explaining things, there."

"And," he added, "I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, maybe I'm completely wrong."

With some disgust, I remembered then that Koizumi has a knack for waffling his way around tricky arguments.

"Look," he said, "I'm just telling you how I see it."

That wasn't even worthy of a response, so I looked to Yuki and asked her, "Not even once?"

"Correct," she replied.

"Now, that's hard to believe," I said, truly disgusted. Stoic or not, a girl as pretty as Yuki deserves to be confessed to, at least once. I was about to apologize to her on behalf of all men when Haruhi threw open the door in her usual, not-so-subtle way.

"Okay, everybody!" Haruhi exclaimed, still looking a little fed up. "Listen up! Our task for this weekend is to look for sliders!"

"That was awfully straight-forward," I commented.

"What?" Haruhi pointedly asked my way.

"Huh?" I said, then realizing, added, "Oh, sorry. I can't believe I said that out loud."

Haruhi then strode up to me, her usual defiant attitude looming my way, and said, "Look, Kyon. Finding sliders isn't going to be a walk in the park. They aren't just going to walk right up to you and say, 'Hi there! I'm from an alternate universe!' It'll be tricky, but I have a serious plan for finding some. You better not screw this up!"

"Whatever it is, Miss Suzumiya," Koizumi chimed in, "I can't wait to get started."

"All right!" Haruhi answered, gratefully. "That's what I like to hear. As usual, Koizumi is the only one who has the right attitude." Haruhi then looked around for a few moments, then scowled and added, "Dammit! Where's Mikuru?"

"Not here, apparently," I replied, helpfully.

"I know that!" Haruhi stated, then complained, "What I want to know is where she is."

Since obviously no one knew, Haruhi then seemed resolved to whine about it. She wasn't content to do so from a standing position, so she dragged me out of the chair I had been sitting in, and then sat there, herself.

"This sucks!" she whined, just as I had expected. "What could she be doing?"

"Maybe she's on a date," I supplied, hoping to further her irritation.

"Oh, don't give me that!" Haruhi barked at me. "I know she isn't the type."

I then suddenly wondered when Haruhi had had the chance to observe this behavior in Mikuru, and I just couldn't even imagine it. "Really?" I asked.

"Is this what you guys were talking about before I got here?" Haruhi asked, suddenly changing the topic.

"What?" I said, starting to get annoyed with myself.

"About dating and romance and stuff," she replied. With an unusually stern expression, she then added, "You're pathetic."

I was about to protest, when Koizumi interrupted, "I admit, the subject did come up."

"You see?" Haruhi asked no one in particular. "It's all about sex with you guys, isn't it? Geez, you all have one-track minds."

"We weren't talking about sex," I was finally permitted to say.

"Do I have to punch somebody here?" Haruhi continued, once again ignoring me. "I want to know where Mikuru is."

Koizumi mercifully smothered the topic with, "I think I recall Miss Asahina said something about... helping out someone with some gardening... or something." It was such an obvious lie that I couldn't help grimacing.

"Okay," Haruhi said, apparently done whining. "Here's what we're going to do. We're going to meet up on Sunday morning at eight. I'll try and get in touch with Mikuru before then. If you see her, however, make sure you relay those instructions. We'll go over the plan, then. Okay?" Then, without bothering to wait for an acknowledgement, she got up and marched toward the door.

There was no need for us to discuss where this meeting was going to take place. We nearly always met at the same coffee shop every week.

I was relieved to think that Haruhi was finally finished, but then she stopped and looked at me, demanding, "And don't start talking about sex, the moment I leave." She glared at me for another long moment and then finally left.

Very smoothly, Yuki asked, "How long should we wait, first?"

It took me a moment to realize that Yuki had said something, and then it took another moment to realize that she had spoken in reference to what Haruhi had just said to me. So, when Yuki spoke again, it again hit me by surprise.

"That was a joke," she added, still with that deadpan delivery.


	2. Chapter 2

- Chapter 2: An Ominous Conversation

I should know by now that Yuki Nagato is a bundle of surprises wrapped in a mystery. I've come to truly appreciate the value of non-verbal communication, thanks to her utter lack of it. I've also started to realize just how much people can communicate, even with a few simple choice words. There are also those times when her input (as she would say) is more like a tidal wave than a dripping faucet. This upcoming incident was one of those times.

I was innocently pondering in my room over something that had happened earlier. Somehow, earlier that day, I had managed to catch a glimpse of not one, but two Mikuru Asahinas. The sight of only one would have been enough to make me forget all my troubles, but the sight of two together was surely some kind of lucky break, like winning a lottery or getting manna from heaven. Like a shooting star, they quickly got away, but I still felt like I had been blessed. I also realized that the sight of two Mikurus was nothing all that surprising compared to seeing her time travel (a truly rare event, indeed). Ah, time travel. Is there nothing it can't do?

My delightful musing was rudely interrupted by me noticing that it was past the time for my rendezvous with Miss Nagato at the library. I jumped on my bike and sped off.

The previous evening, Yuki had called me out of the blue and had invited me to meet her at the library. No explanation, no reason, and not even any word of a discussion had been proposed. She just wanted me to be there. It's strange, but I'm not really surprised when this sort of thing happens anymore.

Upon entering the library, I soon spotted Yuki reading at a table as if nothing in the world was going to happen. I know better. This type of meeting is always an omen of truly shocking things to come. I braced myself with the thought that maybe this one time would be the exception, and sat across from her at the table.

"Sorry, I'm late," I said.

"It's okay," she answered.

The bruise from yesterday started throbbing a little, which cleared my head a bit. I raced ahead of our usual pleasantries and got straight to the point, "So, what's this about?"

"Nothing in particular," she replied, looking up from her book. As usual, her icy stare made me feel vaguely guilty, though I was never quite sure about what. That look could sober up a drunken sailor. "There are a few personal concerns. However, if you prefer we can save this discussion for later."

I briefly felt like I was sitting in the principal's office, but the feeling made me realize how absurdly I'd been overreacting to Yuki's demeanor. Yuki is a friendly girl who makes a point of looking out for me. Why should I be so intimidated? "No, that's fine," I said, reassuring myself more than her. "I really am free right now. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"It concerns a matter that you brought up, yesterday," she answered.

"Okay," I said.

"You had suggested to Miss Suzumiya that Miss Asahina had gone on a date," she reminded me.

"Oh, yeah I did," I admitted, feeling again like I was sitting in the principal's office.

"Were you serious?" she asked. The tone of her voice was very flat. I feel I can't stress this enough. Something about that tone seemed even more intimidating than a more emotionally charged tone.

"Well, no," I answered, thinking for a moment. I have to admit that dating Miss Asahina is a fantasy of mine, and not a very realistic one, at that. I just can't bring myself to think that a girl that lovely could ever not want to date a boy. It's too tragic to even consider. "I mean," I continued, "I can't really imagine Miss Asahina messing around in what to her is the past. I guess I just got carried away by the moment."

"I am aware that I told you Miss Suzumiya does not take your input seriously," she stated. "However, I feel that you should also be careful. It is unknown what reaction Miss Suzumiya would have to the idea of Miss Asahina dating a man."

At this point, I have to admit that my mind was awash with all kinds of strange ideas. I think the main thought that was running through my mind was that Haruhi might not want to encourage the dilemma of having to choose between running her club and having a boyfriend who was a little less distracted by a rival for his affections. Yes, somehow I am stupid enough to think that maybe Haruhi is attracted to me. "Wait," I said, "are you implying--?"

Yuki interrupted my thought with an even more bizarre thought of her own, "Please do not misunderstand. I'm not suggesting that Miss Suzumiya has romantic feelings toward Miss Asahina..."

I think my brain shifted into neutral at that point.

Yuki continued, "I merely wish to point out Miss Suzumiya's possessive and vicarious projections that may be disturbed by your implications." She seemed satisfied with having unloaded that on me, and returned to her reading.

"Uh..." I slowly sorted out what she had said and answered, "Okay. Yeah, I think I understand."

"That is not to say," Yuki added, "that your data was an unwelcome influence. However, it did raise some concern."

"Okay," I said, getting ready to collect myself and leave. "So, was that it?"

"There is more," she replied, "but as I said, it is of a personal nature. We can save it for later."

I had thoughtlessly continued the conversation, more out of my sense of duty to be polite to Yuki than anything else, and somehow she had managed to capture my undivided attention. I guess this is what you would call a spectacular vindication of the principle of reverse psychology. "It's really going to bother me if I don't know," I admitted to her.

She looked up from her reading and asked me, "Is reading something that interests you?"

"Reading?" I said, trying to get a grip on what she'd asked me.

"Yes," she said.

The problem with human language is that it sometimes lacks precision. Without the tonal characterists to help supply meaning, it can be difficult to find those precise meanings. However, I quickly guessed what she was asking and answered, "Yeah, I would say so. I like reading."

"Are there any type of books in particular that you prefer?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I prefer science fiction. Maybe the occasional ghost story. Why do you ask?"

"I'm curious. Is there a book that you want, specifically?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it. I guess I have been looking forward to the next book in the series of 'Napoleon's Radio'."

"Is that science fiction?"

"Hmm... I'm not really sure. I guess you could call it science fiction, although it is somewhat of a historical fiction."

"Interesting."

"It is, really. Yeah, now that I think about it, I guess you could call it speculative science fiction."

"It poses the possibility of an alternate history?"

"Yes, it does," I answered, realizing I had somehow become part of an honest-to-goodness conversation with Miss Nagato. "I guess you could say that it's slider fiction. Don't tell me that there really are sliders."

"Do you not want to know?" she asked, innocently as usual.

Since Haruhi had brought up the possibility of sliders, it seemed obligatory that those said sliders would soon make their presence known to me. Of course, they would also make certain that only I knew and not Haruhi, if they kept to this pattern. Haruhi would get irritated and blame me for not being able to find them, while I would have the (masochistic) pleasure of seeing her quest for truth virtually mocked right under her nose. "Are there sliders?" I asked her, passionately hoping she would say no.

She replied, "There are many iterations of the known universe. Whether they can provide transitions is another subject."

I think that was her round-about way of saying yes, which only served to confirm that this scene was truly an omen of ill-tidings to come. In a desperate attempt to salvage the situation, I said, "You know, I think this is the longest conversation we've ever had. Keep this up, and we might almost pass for normal people."

"Does it bother you," she asked, "what people think of you?"

"Does it bother you?" I asked, getting a little tired of feeling like the one being interrogated.

"Has anyone," she further asked, "ever confessed their love for you?"

Ah, bitter-sweet poetic justice! How could I possibly not answer that? "Well..." I desperately searched my memory for even a hint of something I could use to salvage my dignity, but answered, "I can't say that anyone has. That is to say, no."

"Is there anyone toward whom you have feelings?" she asked.

This was getting a little too personal, so I tried deflecting again, "How about you? Is there anyone you like?"

"Yes, there is," she answered smoothly, calling my bluff.

I was so surprised that she could answer that without even blinking or pausing for a moment, that I was momentarily nonplussed into silence.

"I repeat," she said, "is there anyone toward whom you have feelings?"

I had heard her just fine the first time. I think she knew I had heard her, so this question to me bespoke some kind of vulnerability in her character that I was previously unaware of. This sudden confession of her own along with that realization made me keenly aware of my own failings. All I could think of was how much I liked Mikuru and wanted her to like me, and the likelihood that those feelings might have been returned if not for her unflagging devotion to the virtues of being a good time-traveler. It still pained me to think of it, so I guess it's not surprising that I stammered out, "Ouch, you kind of got me there. I mean, I don't really have anyone I like. That is, I don't really like anyone."

Yuki's icy stare did not betray any hint that she might have thought I was being dishonest.

"This is really tough for me to admit, you know?" I complained.

"There are impediments in your speech patterns concerning this issue," she added, quite unnecessarily.

"Wait," I said, slowly collecting myself, "did you just tell me you like someone?"

"Are you sure you do not have feelings toward anyone?" she asked.

"I'm positive," I said. "Look, what am I missing here? Is this about yesterday?"

Yuki seemed a little puzzled by that question.

I have to admit that my mind was a little off-balance, trying to cope with everything I was hearing. I couldn't quite grasp that a person could talk about liking someone and not necessarily have some huge emotional baggage immediately tied into it. My brain had apparently switched from neutral to cruise control. "Okay," I relented, "so maybe we made you a little uncomfortable talking about love and confessing yesterday. It's a human thing. I apologize."

"Your apology is unnecessary," she answered. "I was not uncomfortable with the discussion that took place yesterday."

"All right," I acknowledged, realizing that Yuki is never uncomfortable with any kind of discussion.

"As for love being a human thing, I don't understand."

How Yuki made that connection, I don't know. "What?" I said, not fully realizing myself that I had had this slip of the tongue, earlier. I had meant to say, "It's a guy thing," but I guess the fact that Yuki was an alien had been looming large in my subconscious.

"Is that a reflexive idiom?" she asked.

"I guess," I admitted, "I wasn't thinking again. How the heck should I know what's human and what isn't?"

"In answer to your question," she then stated, "yes, I did just convey the existence of my affections."

I had forgotten that I had asked her, so this fresh confession once again assailed my poor psyche.

"It is complicated," she added, "and I am unaware of the proper methods to express it."

Maybe I imagined it, but I think I might have seen a troubled look on her face as she said that. To be friendly, I assured her, "Well, if I can be of any help, I'll be glad to provide."

"Thank you," she said. "I feel that this conversation has already improved the matter."

This admission of hers seemed like a convenient exit to this conversation, so in my relief I gave her a sincere, "That's great." And, at that point, she went back to reading. I was left puzzling over just exactly what we had talked about.


	3. Chapter 3

- Chapter 3: Embracing Madness

I know I've already mentioned how ominous this situation was, but I didn't truly appreciate the gravity of it until later that evening. I found myself in the familiar coffee shop, looking at a very surprised Haruhi. In retrospect, it seems pretty obvious. I mean, Yuki Nagato wouldn't just joke around or confess that she has a thing for somebody unless something is going truly wrong.

I think I might have greeted Haruhi in a casual way, but she sat there with her mouth gaping open like a landed fish, then finally gasped out softly, "Kyon? Is that really you?"

"Huh?" I said, absently wondering whether I should just go ahead and sit and order something. "Yeah, of course," I added, matter-of-factly.

Haruhi immediately stood up and, to my extreme mortification, she threw her arms around me and embraced me hard. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "Kyon, I never thought I'd see you again!"

I must have been reeling from shock, but I somehow collected myself enough to make a relatively normal reply. "Okay, well," I said. "Thanks for the warm welcome, but I think we're creating a scene, here."

Haruhi then pried her face away from my chest and took a look around. As I had indicated, we were definitely making a scene, and people all around us were muttering. She slowly pulled away, and I decided to have a little chat with her there. The others in the shop went back to what they were doing as we sat across from each other.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I was just so surprised to see you."

"You're looking kind of ragged there, too," I observed, trying to make her snap out of whatever weird mood she had just developed.

She scowled in a familiar way and said, "Damn, don't remind me. I haven't had a bath for three days."

I was a little beyond mortified at this point and offered, "Are you sure you don't want to be alone?"

"Please don't leave," she said with an oddly desperate look. "I really need some help, here. I didn't realize time travel was so dangerous."

"Wait, what?" I said, still a little in shock.

"Time travel," she repeated. "Please, don't make me raise my voice."

"Okay, okay," I said. "I got it. Time travel." It's funny, how the situation seemed comforting with a label of some kind, even if it was the unlikely event of time travel.

"Only," she added, "something went really wrong. I don't seem to have traveled in time, at all. I tried going back about five minutes, but it seemed like nothing happened. And now everything's gone all crazy."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I stopped her. "Slow down, there. How did you get a hold of a time machine?"

"I..." Haruhi confessed, "kind of stole one from Mikuru."

"Miss Asahina told you she was a time traveler?" I asked, not quite willing to believe it could be so easy for Haruhi to find a time machine.

"Well, sure," she replied. "I mean, she didn't exactly tell me. I think I dragged it out of her, and Mikuru being Mikuru just kind of accidentally let it slip."

This jibed so well with what I knew of Mikuru that I could only facepalm and shake my head. "Okay," I said, trying to get a grip on all this, "so you played with Miss Asahina's time machine..." I looked at Haruhi and noticed she was embarrassed at that particular wording. "...And now you're..." I started, unable to finish. Haruhi, in embarrassment, had turned her head. I finally noticed a small but crucial problem, here.

"What?" she asked. "What is it?"

With alarm slowly entering my voice, I replied, "I'm just now noticing this, but your hair is suddenly long, again."

"My hair is what?" she asked.

I think I became dizzy, and I steadied myself, muttering, "I must be dreaming or something."

"Kyon," Haruhi said, "snap out of it. You're not dreaming."

"Okay," I said, collecting myself. "You're right, everything has gone all crazy."

"You're damn right, it is," Haruhi added.

"And..." I said, finally reflecting on something more important. "Wait, you said you never thought you'd see me again?"

"Yeah," she admitted, "I kind of blurted it out. But, I was just so surprised to see you."

"Why is that? What's so strange about it?"

"Well, I thought you were dead."

"You thought I was dead?"

"It was a huge story. You were found in a classroom all cut up, and I admit I kind of freaked out. But that was months ago!"

"Okay," I said, "calm down." This was more for myself than for Haruhi. None of this conversation seemed real to me, at all. "I'm fine. Nothing happened to me."

"I know!" she exclaimed, then lowered her voice again. "But... I even went to your funeral. I saw a picture of you in the paper."

"When exactly did that happen?" I asked her.

"Shortly after the school year started," she replied. "Like, a few weeks in, I think."

As she finished saying that, I briefly thought of the incident with Miss Asakura, and I had a sinking feeling about it all. "Oh, okay," I said.

"What?" she prodded me. "Did you escape somehow and have amnesia? I'm right? Right?"

"No..." I quickly denied that. "That's not what I meant. Okay, let's be clear about this. I was dead? How did you know? Was there a witness?"

"No, but Yuki discovered your body," Haruhi replied.

"And what happened then?"

"Well, then the police came and the reporters came, and all hell broke lose. It was a huge mess."

"I can imagine."

"But you're clearly alive! So, what happened? Was it the yakuza? They were after you, and you needed to lie low for awhile?"

"No..." I quickly denied that, as well. No telling what might happen if I let her believe these weird stories. I briefly wondered what Koizumi would think of this situation, then decided I'd better bring the discussion back where it belonged. "Look, Haruhi," I said. "I'm alive. Nothing happened."

She seemed a little skeptical at that, but while she was at a loss for words, I quickly recovered my thoughts.

"Yes, there was nearly an incident like that," I informed her, "but I didn't die."

"You escaped from the killer?" she insisted. "So, who was it?"

I sighed and explained, "All right, I think what's important here is not what happened to me. What's important here is what happened to you. Clearly, you aren't the same Haruhi I know."

"Clearly," she agreed.

"We aren't going to get anywhere just spinning our wheels with our separate versions of what might have happened," I added.

"We need someone," Haruhi concluded, "to help us get a handle on this."

"I think I have an idea," I said, thinking quickly. "Just hold on for a moment."


	4. Chapter 4

- Chapter 4: Onward and Upward

If some complete stranger had gone up to you and told you they had just killed your mother, it wouldn't be as bizarre as this situation I had found myself in. This Haruhi was clearly some sort of parallel world version of Haruhi from a universe where not only had I been killed, but I had neglected to mention her hair style at some point. Of those two things, I think I'm more freaked out about the hair. All this weirdness demanded a change of scenery, so the coffee shop was off-limits. The only place I could trust to keep my head on straight was the park. In particular, the bench over near a certain set of swings.

I went and sat at the bench, while Haruhi paced back and forth like a caged animal.

Closing my eyes, I could see Haruhi embracing me in my mind. It wasn't like I was back there again, but more like I was having an out-of-body experience. I could see myself tensing up and reeling from the shock of this sudden attack. It wasn't just bizarre, it was beyond bizarre. I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"Sorry if this is too much to handle," Haruhi stated.

"I think," I answered, "I can get a handle on it."

Everything but that initial reaction. That was really over-the-top. I put that to the side in my mind and decided to sort out everything else.

Okay, first of all, I'm obviously not dead. No matter how much Haruhi might try to expect it or insist that it's true, my existence is not in question. Of course, if I weren't here, I wouldn't have been able to write all this. I guess Koizumi would call that the "Anthropic Principle." Principle! What a joke. I amused myself, thinking of how Koizumi would try to explain a world with two Haruhis, then slowly realized that he would just pseudo-reason his way around it the same way he always does. Priest of the Goddess Haruhi. Yeah, that title really fits him.

Koizumi is definitely not someone I can trust with this type of situation. I was right to call Mikuru Asahina. I looked around and hoped that Mikuru would be arriving, but alas, she had not yet arrived.

I closed my eyes and thought for a moment again. I instantly retreated in time to when Yuki Nagato had questioned me back at the library. "Is there anyone toward whom you have feelings?" she had asked. The question hit me like the thought of being bitten by a snake. It wasn't a pleasant turn in the conversation, that's for sure. I vaguely started to wonder if Yuki was regretting asking me that.

Yeah, right. Why should she? It's not like I hesitated to ask her if anyone had confessed to her. I'm such a hypocrite.

I rubbed my eyes and concluded, "On second thought, maybe it's a little too soon for me."

Quite out of character, Haruhi said, "Maybe it's the bruise on your face that's distracting you."

And, thanks to her mentioning it, I started to notice the bruise throbbing again. I reached for it again, without thinking, then pulled my hand away.

"Haruhi," I said, "you didn't travel through time. You traveled to another world."

"Is that what happened?" she asked, softly wondering. "What? You mean, I slid into a parallel dimension or something like that?"

"Yeah, that's what I think."

I noticed that Mikuru still wasn't coming, and I noticed that Haruhi seemed strangely receptive, so I fished around in my mind for some older topics.

"So," I started, "about those aliens, time travelers, and espers..."

"Yeah?" she prompted.

"You know Miss Asahina is a time traveler?"

"Duh," she answered. "And your point?"

"I take it," I then said, "that you never met an alien or an esper."

She sighed deeply and sat next to me, saying, "I think I can be satisfied with having become a slider, don't you think?"

"I guess so," I admitted.

"That's pretty amazing, right?" she insisted.

"Yeah," I agreed. "It is."

"And now that I've accomplished it," she added, "I don't really know what to do with myself. It kind of feels like my life is over, now."

"But," I said, "isn't being someone special something you've always wanted?"

"I--" she started, then did a double-take, "I... yeah."

"So..." I prompted her.

"Oh, don't give me that!" she barked. "I'm still going out of my mind!"

I smiled at her, and she slowly smiled back. It was a pretty incredible moment, I must admit.

"But yeah," she added, "I get what you're saying. Onward and upward."

"That's more like the Haruhi I know."

She winced at that for some reason, then said, sullenly, "I'm not the Haruhi you know."

"Well, then," I started, "maybe this Haruhi would like to reach just a little higher right now?"

"Are you serious?"

"Hell yeah," I stated, very firmly. "The truth is, I've been dying to let you in on a little secret."

"What?"

"Yuki Nagato is an alien," I told her.

"What are you?" she answered, "An idiot!?"

I was a little annoyed that she had this same reaction again, but then this time she started laughing.

"Oh my God!" she added, "I can totally believe it, too!"

It was a relief to know that at least one out of two Haruhis could accept the truth. I was about to fill her in on the details when Mikuru suddenly showed up.

"Oh," I said, "thanks for coming."

"About time you showed up," Haruhi complained.

"Well," I said, getting up, "I should really be on my way home, now."


	5. Chapter 5

- Chapter 5: Perdition of Ignorance

I woke up the next morning feeling strangely lucid and well-rested. I had the slight impression of a fading dream that had been satisfying, but not so satisfying that I wanted to go right back to dreaming it. I remember all this because of how unusual it was, and I also remember noting then how unusual it was for me to wake up feeling this way.

Nevertheless, I bolted upward in a way that somehow triggered the bruise on my face to start throbbing again.

Later that morning, I found myself back at the coffee shop to find out how Haruhi would ruin yet another Sunday. Oh, who am I kidding? I was eager to see our Haruhi again and make comparisons to the parallel world Haruhi. Plus, I'm a sucker for even the thought of seeing the lovely Miss Asahina again.

"Hey Kyon!" Haruhi beckoned to me as I entered. "Over here!"

To my satisfaction, I noticed that Mikuru had indeed shown up, along with Koizumi. Haruhi looked like she was holding a small box and a roll of papers. I made a quick note of how Haruhi looked and confirmed that she was almost certainly the Haruhi I had known for the past several months or so.

"Is that you guys?" I asked, attempting to start a conversation.

"Did you see Yuki on the way here?" Haruhi interrupted.

"No," I answered, once again feeling the bruise on my face throb a bit. "Should I have?"

"You look out of it, Kyon," she observed. "Are you really up for this?"

I sighed, then answered, "I'm fine. Let's just start without Miss Nagato."

"Hey!" she said, getting irritated.

I sat next to Koizumi so I could be face-to-face with Miss Asahina. This was a nice position.

"I'll decide when we start this meeting!" Haruhi blustered.

"Fine, then," I added smoothly. "I'll just sit here and talk about sex."

I noticed Mikuru and Haruhi both blushed, but Haruhi's reaction was a little different. "Dammit, Kyon!" she exclaimed.

Seeing Haruhi furious like that tickles my funny bone. I don't quite know why, but I'm always so amused by it.

Koizumi cleared his throat and commented, "I really don't think this is the time for all that."

"All right, then!" Haruhi decided, still furious. "Let's just leave Yuki out of this for now."

A waitress then came by and looked at Haruhi pleadingly. "Would you please keep it down?" she asked. "You're disturbing the other customers."

"Okay," Haruhi replied, "we'll keep it down."

The waitress then left, as Haruhi sheepishly sat next to Miss Asahina. "Just for that, Kyon," she told me, "you pay the penalty."

"Fine with me."

"I don't just mean paying for our breakfast. I'm going to put you on clean-up duty, too."

"What's that?"

"I'll explain in a minute." With that said, Haruhi took out the box and opened the lid. "I'd like you guys to have a look at these."

Inside the box were five simple necklaces, each with a small medallion at the end.

"These are for us to wear," she explained. "I want you to keep these on at all times, from now on."

I took a good look at one necklace. The chain and the medallion were plastic. These were the kind of things that you could find anywhere, and they would probably fall apart in no time. Typical Haruhi. Make something that's obviously supposed to be significant out of the least significant materials she could find.

Looking around again, Haruhi asked, "Why is Yuki not here? She's messing this up."

"What's the big deal?" I asked her.

"I'll tell you," she replied. "And since Yuki isn't here, we'll just have to leave the question of whether we can trust her open."

"Oh, I see," Koizumi said. "These are to prove that we are who we claim to be, correct?"

Koizumi and Mikuru put their necklaces on, as Haruhi said, "That's right. Nice to see someone here is actually using their head." Haruhi then put on her own necklace and stuffed one back into the box.

"Why do we need to have special identification?" I asked. I wasn't convinced. I had another look at mine and noticed something painfully wrong. "And why does it have to be this ugly symbol?" I asked, pointing out the SOS Brigade logo on the medallion.

"I won't let you keep it if you're going to be like that," Haruhi snapped.

I put my necklace on the table in front of her, saying, "Okay. I don't really like it, anyway."

She pushed it back toward me, saying, "Kyon, you'll wear it and like it. If you don't..."

We glared at each other for a few moments. Haruhi didn't give me much of a fight before she turned away. In fact, she put up such a feeble resistance that I actually felt like I was bullying a little child. I sighed and took the necklace, saying, "All right, I'll wear it. But I don't see the point."

Koizumi tried explaining again, "I think what Miss Suzumiya is trying to achieve is a simple way that we can verify slider versions of ourselves."

Thanks, Captain Obvious, I wanted to say.

"Exactly," Haruhi added. "Well put, Koizumi."

"Huh?" I said, thinking that Koizumi had been giving Haruhi stupid pills or something. It was painfully obvious that these necklaces were meant to help us find sliders. What wasn't clear was exactly how they were supposed to make sliders somehow magically appear.

"What are you, dense?" Haruhi asked me. "Look, I'll explain this in a simple way that even a child like you can understand." She folded her arms and smugly asked, "If you were a slider, where is the most likely place you would go?"

"Probably France or--" Italy, I wanted to say, but got interrupted.

"Wrong!" Haruhi exclaimed. "You'd go somewhere familiar. Duh! You'd want to see all the slight differences between your two worlds."

Now, I do have to admit the apparent soundness of that reasoning. Yes, it is true that your morbid curiosity would take hold for a few days, and you would give in to the temptation of looking at yourself and your friends for a while. Then, after the boredom of everyday life with slight variations has driven you to thoughts of suicide, you would then do the sensible thing and use your unearthly powers to take an honest-to-goodness vacation. Which is probably what you should have been doing in the first place. "Seems like a waste to me," I concluded. "I mean, if you can slide between worlds, why not go somewhere worth visiting?"

"This is why I'm the Brigade chief, Kyon," Haruhi said. "You just aren't thinking about this rationally." She then took out the roll of papers and gave one to me, Mikuru, and Koizumi. "For now," she said, "let's just test whether we can really trust each other. We'll go around answering each question in turn. Then, when you are finished, you can all question me to your heart's content."

"I'm still not convinced," I complained.

"Kyon," Haruhi started, but got interrupted by Koizumi.

I looked at Mikuru to see if she wanted to contribute anything, but she just smiled and nodded, as if this was all going according to plan.

"I think I can present a cogent argument," Koizumi said, "if I may?"

"Go right ahead," Haruhi told him, exasperated. Then she turned to me and ordered me, "Put on your necklace, already."

As I put the necklace on, Koizumi explained, "Kyon, you know how you or I would handle sliding, but what we're really talking about is how people from another world would go about it. I also think it's fair to say that, given the likely difficulty involved, it would take one of a few solid and serious reasons for anyone to consider traveling between worlds."

"I see," I said. Koizumi was waffling again. Clearly, he had nothing, but he sure made it sound like he had something. "So, what do you think those reasons would be?"

"Well," he answered, "the first and most obvious reason would be that they would want to observe the differences. The curiosity of seeing one's own world in another light would be strong." He glanced around, obviously realizing that he was just repeating what Haruhi had already told us. "Well, that's about all I can come up with."

Haruhi, who had obviously put a lot more thought into this, then said, "Another reason would be that they had accidentally traveled without even realizing that they had done anything."

I shot Mikuru a questioning look, and she made a quick gesture of denial.

Koizumi, recovering quickly, added, "Oh, and another reason would obviously be to follow after anyone who had done one of the two previously mentioned things."

"Any way you slice it, Kyon," Haruhi added, "the best place to start looking is right here."

"All right," I conceded. "So, who's to say that any one of us isn't already a slider from years ago?"

"That would be even better," Haruhi replied. "That would mean the temptation for them to slide back would give us the same opportunity as seeing them just arrive."

Which would negate the whole purpose of the necklaces, but whatever.

"Face it, Kyon," Koizumi insisted. "This is the best shot we have, even if the chances of success seem low. I think there's actually a pretty good chance that we will witness a slider event. It may be brief, but if we all pitch in and do our best, I'm sure we're bound to see something."

I couldn't really disagree with that. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the chances of our seeing a slider event were pretty close to a hundred percent. "Whatever you say," I said, gesturing my surrender.

I then looked back across at Mikuru and noticed her winking at me while something brushed my leg. I then looked down and noticed that she had slipped me a note. Yes! Miss Asahina is truly like an angel, here to rescue me from this perdition of ignorance.

"No more arguments," Haruhi commanded. "I'm still the one in charge here, and like it or not, we're doing this. And I expect results, so don't go slacking off!"


	6. Chapter 6

- Chapter 6: Of Thoughts and Dreams

Despite what I think of everyday life, it's actually not that bad if you don't have to be anywhere in a big hurry. I spent a few hours wandering around, browsing for comic books, eating some snacks, chatting it up with a few of the homeless folks who wander through town now and then. You know, all the things Haruhi told me not to do.

I noticed that it was approaching noon, so I was just about to make my way to a certain rendezvous. At that moment, I happened to notice Yuki Nagato walking my direction. "Hey, Nagato!" I said, getting her attention. I also noticed that she was carrying a small paperback book that had a familiar type of artwork on the cover.

"Kyon?" she said, making her way toward me.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked her, looking at the book.

She held it out to me and said, "Here."

I immediately took it, and said, "Hey, all right. The latest book! Nice going." I'm not a huge fan of the "Napoleon's Radio" series, but it's nice to get back into a familiar story. "Is this for me?" I asked, hardly daring to believe Yuki would actually give me something so thoughtful.

By way of reply, Nagato gestured toward a bench. "We still have some time," she said. "Would you prefer to sit until then?"

"Thanks a lot," I said, gesturing at the book.

"Not at all," she answered. "I found it amusing, myself."

We then sat at the bench. The sidewalk was fairly crowded, but not so much that sitting at a bench might seem like an encroachment on someone else's necessity.

"Oh," I said, thinking back to that morning, "did you see Haruhi, earlier?"

Nagato pulled out her necklace, showing off the SOS logo on it. "You mean about this?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Yes." Having shown me the necklace, she put it back under her shirt.

"Well," I said, "that's reassuring." Half-seriously, I added, "Good to know that you're the real Nagato."

"Is that what it's intended to signify?" she asked, puzzled.

"Well, yeah," I replied. "I assume she gave you the same questions to answer..."

"A test of knowledge," she explained, "is pointless where we data units are concerned. In that respect, we are all identical."

"Excuse me?" I asked. I wasn't sure I'd heard that correctly.

"The flow of information between myself and the other iterations of the known universes is only limited by our freedom to explore that data within the Data Integration Thought Entity itself. Even our thoughts and dreams are shared between us."

The first sentence flew right over my head, but the second sentence left me a little speechless.

"We still have our essential uniqueness, however," Yuki continued. "We may all be of one mind, but that does not mean we all have the same heart."

"So," I asked, "how do you know the difference between each other?"

"It is difficult to express in language," she replied. "The best method for conveyance of this phenomenon is that we know when we see each other."

"You just know?"

"I don't believe this is unique to my form of life. I have found numerous anecdotes in your own planet's accounts that parallel this phenomenon."

I really have to hand it to Yuki. When she gets going, she can really string together a lot of complicated ideas and make it all sound as though it ought to be simple to understand. "I guess," I admitted, "I'll just have to take your word for it."

"It is irrelevant whether I am considered real," she added. "You may simply accept me for who I am."

I think I was starting to understand what she meant, because I then remembered what I might have taken for boasting, had she not delivered it in such a deadpan tone of voice. "So," I then asked, "you have dreams?"

"Is that surprising?" she asked me.

"I..." I tried to answer, but words failed me for a moment. I looked at her, but I couldn't see in her face the vulnerability she was betraying with her words. "I guess it is, a little," I finally admitted. "Well, there's a lot we don't know about each other."

"I agree," she said. "That is why I am here."


	7. Chapter 7

- Chapter 7: The Sickness

"Meet me at Nagato's place at noon," read the note that Miss Asahina had given me.

Yuki Nagato and I arrived at her apartment at about twelve-thirty, so I wasn't sure that Mikuru would still be here. Yuki seemed to think that this was the precisely correct time to arrive, so I just decided to leave it to her. I hated the thought of missing Miss Asahina's lovely face, but this is Yuki's house, after all.

When we arrived at her place, we were greeted by the long-haired Haruhi from another world and the lovely Miss Mikuru Asahina. Lucky me.

"Hey there, Haruhi," I said. "Looks like you've gotten a bath since we last talked."

"You are so rude," she answered, "but yeah. I wish I had known Yuki had such a nice apartment." Haruhi then frowned and said, "Speaking of which... Didn't Yuki just--?"

"That Miss Nagato," Mikuru informed her, "was the Miss Nagato of this world."

"Oh, right," Haruhi said. "I keep forgetting. Being a slider can be so confusing."

"If it helps," Yuki offered, "you may think of us as one and the same."

"Yeah," Haruhi stated, "I only hope I don't bump into myself."

As I puzzled over why Haruhi would say that, Nagato informed her, "I have arranged for the Haruhi Suzumiya of this world to be busy, elsewhere."

"How did you do that?" I asked her.

"When I arrived on Thursday morning, I casually made the suggestion to her that it might be a good idea to look for sliders."

"When you arrived?" I asked, not too sure I wanted to believe that our looking for sliders was Yuki's idea.

"When I made use of Miss Asahina's equipment to manipulate the temporal and spatial frames to allow for my intersection into this plane of existence," she elaborated. She seemed pained to admit that, although whether she was annoyed or distressed is something I can't quite recall. It seems like an important detail now, but I didn't think to make a mental note of it, then.

"Oh," I said, "I see. So, you followed Haruhi here?"

"I took the liberty of using Miss Asahina's--" Nagato said, until she was interrupted by Mikuru clearing her throat and making a gesture to Yuki. "I see that that is considered classified," Yuki continued. "Allow me to say merely that you are essentially correct."

"Well," I concluded, "so here we are." I looked at Mikuru, and she looked at Yuki. I asked, "So, now what?"

"Do we really need to involve Kyon?" Mikuru asked Yuki. "I really don't see the point, now that everyone is assembled and headed for the rendezvous."

"Yeah," I said to no one in particular, "I should get out of your hair. I'll just go back home, if you don't mind."

"Could you stay for a while?" Haruhi asked with a strained expression on her face. "I mean, geez. When I go back, you know the only reminder of you is a tombstone."

Somehow, I had forgotten about that detail. I know grief can make people say or do crazy things, but I've never really experienced first-hand what that kind of grief feels like. I guess grief over someone you've only known for a few weeks can be pretty powerful, too.

"Okay, sorry," Haruhi said, once again responding to my thoughts as if she could read them. "But think about how we feel for a moment, would you?"

"I'm really sorry," I apologized.

"No," Haruhi said, "that's okay. You can go home if you want."

Go home? Yeah, right. I'd have to be a real ass to just walk out at this point. I could see Mikuru fidgeting nervously, and I decided that this should be dealt with, already. No sense in torturing Haruhi with not knowing anything.

"I had forgotten about that," I started. "You said I was knifed in a classroom?"

"Yeah," Haruhi replied. "It's still kind of hard to talk about."

Looking at her face, I could see that the grief was real. Whether it was grief she felt earnestly at the time or whether it was just a little sadness reinforced by seeing what life could be like in a happier situation made no real difference. This was now a sickness that needed a cure. "And you never found out who did it or why?" I asked.

"No, I didn't," Haruhi replied.

I looked at Yuki, who gave me no indication of whether I should say anything. I don't know what I was thinking. Looking for non-verbal hints from Yuki is like trying to talk to a brick wall. I sighed deeply and continued, "I'll tell you what I know, if it's okay with Miss Nagato."

"It is," Yuki immediately said, as if she had anticipated me asking.

"I had gotten a note which I later learned was from Miss Ryoko Asakura. When I arrived at the classroom, as the note asked me to, she was waiting for me with a knife. She told me she wanted to kill me to see how you would react."

"How I would react?" Haruhi said, stunned almost breathless. "Why?"

I looked at Yuki again and said, "I think Miss Nagato can explain it better than I can."

"As you already know," Yuki told Haruhi, darting a glance at me, "I am a data relay entity, or in more simple terms: an alien. Nothing more. Miss Asakura was, as well. Her duty was to be my backup."

"But why would she kill Kyon?" Haruhi asked.

"She became desperate and dysfunctional," Yuki explained, "and I failed to detect the temporal and spatial seals in her programming that blocked her intentions in time. I abolished her data link, but by then the damage had been done."

"Asakura?" Haruhi said, still in disbelief. "Who the hell was that?"

"Don't you remember?" I asked. "Our class president?"

"Oh..." Haruhi said, then stopped and wiped her eyes. "It never even dawned on me to think that she had vanished, and at the same time as... God, I am such an idiot."

When I heard that, it made me want to cry, but Miss Asahina cried those tears, herself. She hugged Haruhi as she did so. "In this world," I added, "Miss Nagato defended me and was barely able to save my life."

"The spatial parameters of that universe," Yuki elaborated, "were such that it permitted Miss Asakura the few milliseconds she needed to evade my detection."

"So, there you go," I added, unnecessarily.

Haruhi pulled away from Mikuru, and Mikuru wiped her face. Haruhi then glowered at me, exclaiming, "Damn you, Kyon! You should have defended yourself better! You asshole!" She then looked away and wiped her face again. "Damn it, why the hell am I crying? I didn't even like you!"

"Once bound within that space," Yuki added, "his chances of survival were very slim."

"Don't remind me," I said, thinking back on it. "What a nightmare that was."

Mikuru had finished collecting herself, and she said, "I'm really glad this is out in the open."

"Me too," I said. "I have to admit, I'm curious about everything that happened after that."

"What's to tell you?" Haruhi said. "The school went crazy for a few days and then everybody suddenly forgot about it, like it was nothing."

"Okay," I said, "so what happened to the club?"

"The what?"

"The SOS Brigade. You know, that weird of idea of yours?"

Haruhi seemed a little dumbfounded. "Why on earth would I want a club?"

That took me by surprise. I guess I hadn't really thought about all the little things that went into building that club.

Haruhi continued, "I found Mikuru just wandering the hallways, and we started becoming acquainted--"

"The other Mikuru Asahina," Mikuru stated.

"Right," Haruhi said.

"What happened to her?" I asked, remembering that I had seen the other Mikuru myself at least once or twice.

"Nothing," Mikuru replied. "I sent her on ahead to the rendezvous."

"So," Haruhi said, "I had a club in this world?"

"Well..." I answered, not sure I should reply, but said, "I have to admit, it's been a lot of fun."

"Damn it, Kyon," Haruhi said softly. "Now, you're really pissing me off."

Somehow, this Haruhi is a lot more convincing when she says that than our Haruhi.


	8. Chapter 8

- Chapter 8: A Dramatic Exit

By later that afternoon, me and long-haired Haruhi had gone back to the park, along with Miss Asahina, her double, Nagato, and Koizumi. At the designated rendezvous, we also met up with the other Nagato. The stories I had told Haruhi began taking more dimension and included more detail with each new companion we joined up with. I have to say, Miss Asahina and Koizumi can be very forthcoming with this Haruhi about all their little secrets. It was almost as if they had been building up inside, getting ready to burst.

Koizumi seemed to be the most thrilled of all of us, although he was due for a disappointment when he asked, "So, you guys had never even met me?"

"Nope," Haruhi answered. "Sorry."

"Oh, geez," Koizumi said. "Now, that is sad."

"I'm sure they'll get over it," I commented.

"That is so harsh," Koizumi complained. "You may be dead in their world, but at least they knew you. I don't even get the courtesy of being remembered once in a while."

"If it makes you feel better," Haruhi answered, "I'll say hi if I see you."

Koizumi burst out laughing and said, "Yeah, I feel better already."

"Well," Haruhi said, "here we are. Are we early, or something?"

"We still have about two minutes before the portal opens," Nagato informed us.

"I'm glad I jumped forward to this time," said the other Mikuru. "These goodbyes are always so hard."

"No kidding," Haruhi agreed.

"I just know I'm going to cry my eyes out," the other Mikuru added.

"What for?" Haruhi asked, laughing. "We'll see each other again."

"I'll probably cry my eyes out, too," our Mikuru said.

"Hey," Haruhi said, "don't think of it as a goodbye. We're just going back to where we belong."

"I know," the other Mikuru said. "I just can't help myself."

"You girls are so silly," Koizumi said.

"You sure you don't want to take Koizumi with you?" I asked Haruhi.

"No," she replied, "that's okay. One Koizumi is enough. No offense."

"No offense taken," he assured her. Then he said to me, "Lay off. I was just kidding."

"It's always hard to know what to say when these things happen," Haruhi added.

"Yeah," I agreed, trying to help lighten the mood, "I don't think there's a good greeting card for departing sliders."

"Well," Haruhi concluded, "we didn't know each other very long, but I'll miss you."

She hugged me again, very politely this time. I gently patted her head, and said, "So long."

Haruhi then turned toward the park again and asked, "So, where's that damn portal?"

I laughed and added, "That was some pretty lousy timing."

"Yeah," she agreed, "now I feel like an idiot again. I want my hug back, damn it."

At that moment, the air where Haruhi was looking suddenly shimmered and flared brightly for a moment, then a large round swirl of electrified blackness filled the air.

"There it is!" Haruhi exclaimed. "About damn time."

"Well, time to go," Mikuru said. "Goodbye, everyone."

"Let's go, guys," Haruhi commanded. "Time to get back to the real world."

Haruhi, Mikuru, and Nagato approached the portal. Myself and the others with me all started to say goodbye as Mikuru stepped into the portal, followed by Haruhi. Nagato stopped at the edge and looked back at me with her usual icy stare, but she soundlessly said, "Goodbye." With that, she then followed the other two through the portal with barely a moment to spare before it closed behind her.

"Now, that," Koizumi stated, "is how you make a dramatic exit." He noticed me looking around nervously and added, "Don't worry, Kyon. Nagato arranged for a little privacy during this little event. Good thing, too."

No sooner was Koizumi finished, than we could see our Haruhi approach, looking excited. "Okay, everybody!" she exclaimed. "Since we're all here, let's verify ourselves."

We all took out our hideous necklaces and showed off the logo on our medallions.

Haruhi seemed disappointed by this turn of events. "Damn it," she said. "Please," she pleaded fiercely, "tell me you witnessed a slider event."

"I'm sorry, Miss Suzumiya," Koizumi smoothly replied. "I'm afraid we didn't."

"You guys!" Haruhi said, trembling. "You are so useless!"

"So, I take it you didn't, either," I guessed.

Haruhi turned away from us to calm herself down. "I should have known this would happen," she told herself. "This is just great! We've wasted another day! Thanks a lot for nothing!"

I think Mikuru could tell how desperately I wanted to tell Haruhi about what had really happened, because she furiously gestured at me to keep quiet.

Haruhi then sighed deeply and turned to face us again. "I'm so mad, I can't even think right now," she said in a tone of voice that didn't seem angry at all. "I'm just going to go home. I'll work out what your punishments should be tomorrow." Haruhi then turned again and left. I felt rather than sensed that Haruhi was at least a little sad, although that could have just been me.

"That was so close," Mikuru said. "I thought we were caught for sure."

"Why all the secrecy?" I asked.

"Kyon," Mikuru told me, "she just isn't ready."

"Yeah," Koizumi agreed, "no telling what would happen if we let her know about any of that."

"What about you, Nagato?" I asked.

"There's no persuading them," she replied. "As for myself, it doesn't really matter."

Koizumi took a thoughtful look at Yuki, then scratched his head, saying, "Something seems amiss, here."

"What?" I said. I looked around, but the only thing I noticed was Yuki had been holding my hand. For some weird reason, I hadn't thought to question it, but then I asked her, "Nagato?"

"Is something the matter?" she responded.

"I knew something was wrong with the way the other Nagato looked," Koizumi said, grimacing.

"Oh my God!" Mikuru cried. "You're right! Wasn't that...?"

"What difference does it make?" Yuki flatly stated. "We are both of the same mind."

"Our Yuki Nagato never touched the necklace," Mikuru added.

"Is that true?" I asked Yuki.

"Yes," she replied.

"So, why did she leave while you stayed?"

Okay, now I know you're not going to believe this, but Yuki gestured for me to lean closer, and when I did, she kissed me on the cheek. I was so stunned by that, I hardly noticed Mikuru gasping and Koizumi laughing, much less the still-throbbing bruise also on my cheek.

- Fin


	9. Chapter 9

- And now, for your further amusement...

Anecdote #1 (which didn't actually take place):

Author: All done. I think I really outdid myself with the comedy, this time.

Proofreader: Oh, really? Well, that's great. I could really use a good laugh right now.

(Fast forward about forty-five minutes to where Proofreader is reading Chapter 7 and weeping his eyes out.)

Proofreader: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

* * *

Anecdote #2 (which didn't actually take place):

Proofreader: That was a heck of a bruise.

Author: What makes you say that?

Proofreader: You do know that they tend to go away after a couple days?

Author: ...

Proofreader: With a cold compress, you can get the swelling down in a few hours.

Author: Maybe we should test that, just to see if you're right...

* * *

Anecdote #3 (which didn't actually take place):

Proofreader: I took the liberty of toning down some of that profanity you love so much.

Author: Thanks a whole [censored] lot.

Proofreader: I think it works better, but I still have some concerns.

Author: Like what?

Proofreader: You do know there's like a million of these slider stories?

Author: Meh...

Proofreader: I notice you didn't factor in "Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody" into the other world.

Author: Meh...

Proofreader: And Yuki 'shippers never really work.

Author: Meh...

Proofreader: And I don't think anyone's going to like that you throw Imouto under a bus.

Author: Meh...

Proofreader: And I doubt long-haired Haruhi would spend three whole days being inconspicuous.

Author: Meh...

Proofreader: And... You do know there really is a "Napoleon's Radio," right?

Author: Huh? (quickly googles the term) FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

* * *

A speculative conversation between the two Haruhis:

Haruhi #1: I'll bet you actually wanted him dead.

Haruhi #2: I... I did once fantasize about shooting him in the face with a shotgun.

* * *

A conversation between Yuki and Ryoko Asakura:

Ryoko: He's dead. I just killed him.

Yuki: Are you certain?

Ryoko: Unless having your head separate from your body is normal, yes.

Yuki: Are you going to kill Haruhi, too?

Ryoko: I... wasn't planning on it.

Yuki: That's a relief.

* * *

Some speculative thoughts from the end of Chapter 8:

Mikuru: That bitch! She just kissed him! I'll kill her!

Yuki: Yeah! How do you like that, you time-traveling cow? You're not so high up on his todo list anymore, are you?

* * *

A speculative conversation with an American otaku:

Mikuru: Hi! I'm from the future!

Otaku: Meh, whatever...

Koizumi: Hello. I'm an esper (sometimes).

Otaku: Meh, whatever...

Yuki: Hello. I'm an alien (though I don't really look it).

Otaku: Meh, whatever...

Kyon: Hi. I'm an average, everyday, boring guy from Japan.

Otaku: Oh wow! You're totally cool!

Kyon: ...

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Koizumi (both sitting at the computer by themselves in the club room):

Kyon: Oh man, I would definitely hit that.

Koizumi: I'd hit that, too.

Kyon: (clicking the mouse) And that.

Koizumi: Yeah, me too.

Kyon: You think she might be a virgin?

Koizumi: Oh, no way.

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Haruhi (both sitting at the computer by themselves in the club room):

Kyon: No, you see. You don't want that.

Haruhi: I don't? Why not? I think it's kind of cute.

Kyon: But, wait... You see what it just did?

Haruhi: Whoa! Why the hell is that flashing?

Kyon: (facepalming) I can't believe this.

Haruhi: Why am I getting a blue screen?

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Haruhi:

Kyon: Wow. Imagine if I actually had a little sister.

Haruhi: Ha! I can totally imagine it.

Kyon: So, does she idolize me? I bet I could be the coolest older brother ever.

Haruhi: More like she would take stuff without asking and kick your ass in video games.

Kyon: (disheartened) Yeah, you're probably right.

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Yuki:

Kyon: There you go. (he hands her a pair of glasses)

Yuki: (putting them on) Is this better?

Kyon: Much better. You see, these smaller frames fit the shape of your face better. Those big ones made you look like a total nerd.

Yuki: Are you sure you don't have a glasses fetish?

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Haruhi:

Haruhi: (reading) Hmm... April might be nice.

Kyon: For what?

Haruhi: The Paris Marathon.

Kyon: Are you sure you'd qualify? Wait, Paris?

Haruhi: Yeah, why not? I've always wanted to see the Louvre.

Kyon: Serves me right for bringing it up.

Haruhi: Then again, maybe Rome would be better...

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Yuki:

Kyon: So, that Data Overmind thing connects you to every possible world, right?

Yuki: Correct.

Kyon: And, there are all kinds of worlds? Like a few where you and I got together?

Yuki: There are.

Kyon: So... Is there any...?

Yuki: Yes, there is. A lot.

Kyon: Don't they all know that you know? I mean, isn't it at least a little embarrassing?

Yuki: No.

Kyon: ...

* * *

A conversation between Kyon and Haruhi:

Haruhi: Since you like talking about sex so much, have you even kissed a girl?

Kyon: I don't think so.

Haruhi: You don't think so? Have you even held hands or hugged a girl?

Kyon: Actually, I have. Both of those.

Haruhi: A real girl, right? And not a family member?

Kyon: What's so wrong with me having done that?

Haruhi: ...

* * *

A conversation between the two Yukis:

Yuki #2: So...

Yuki #1: Go right ahead.

Yuki #2: Thank you.

Yuki #1: No need to thank me.

* * *

A conversation between the two Mikurus:

Mikuru #1: So... How was your first day at the SOS Brigade?

Mikuru #2: SOS Brigade?

Mikuru #1: Yeah. Why else do you think I let you go to school in my place?

Mikuru #2: Oh my God! I'm sorry! I totally forgot and went to Calligraphy, instead.

Mikuru #1: ...

Mikuru #2: No wonder everybody kept looking at me funny.


	10. The Vexation of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Vexation of Haruhi Suzumiya

* * *

"A Chinaman of the T'ang Dynasty-and, by which definition, a philosopher-dreamed he was a butterfly, and from that moment he was never quite sure that he was not a butterfly dreaming it was a Chinese philosopher." - Guildenstern, from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard

* * *

- Chapter 1: Travel Expenses

I awoke one morning very early, clutching at my head and desperate to be awake with no real clear idea why. A few moments later, the dream I had experienced came back to me, like the pain of a deep wound that gives no tactile hint of its existence until a moment or two after you notice it.

Perhaps I sensed how melodramatic it was, as I softly chanted to myself some prayer of normality, because I then started to laugh at myself. I guess it was the absurdity of it all that caused this reaction. Who knows? Was it that these voices in my head didn't seem to realize they were addressing some pathetic nobody? Was it the persistent notion that the voices were somehow real despite being in a dream? Maybe it was the feeling that I was in the middle of a story and these echoes of the past were actually a creepy kind of foreshadowing?

Whatever the reason, for those of you with a morbid enough curiosity to want to know what I had dreamed, you are fortunate that it was one of those dreams that you don't immediately forget. For the less fortunate me, this is what I recall transpired: I dimly recall being enveloped in a thick blackness and a feeling of being immersed into a sea of voices. Try imagining, if you will, what it's like to look around in every direction, and then imagine that from where you are standing to the horizon in every direction is packed full of voices. Then imagine that all them are desperately trying to address you through an utter blackness.

Right before I awoke, one particular voice seemed to penetrate through that blackness, and I somehow recognized it as the voice of Ryoko Asakura. She kept repeating over and over that she did not malfunction and how ridiculous it was to her to think that simply having a strong feeling and a will to act on it could be considered such. After a while, she seemed to notice me and then started offering me what seem now like comforting words, but at the time I felt like there was a knife behind those words. In particular, when she started telling me that I might soon see what seems horrific and tragic, but is actually wonderful and magical. Naturally, that was somehow the most scary thing of all in that sea of voices.

"Jeez," I said, not realizing until later it was out loud, "I really need to cut back on my snacking before bed."

My feeble attempt to deflect this dream was soon crushed by the weight of me remembering, and I found myself unable to get back to sleep. Thus, I found myself slowly awakening after school that day with my head on my desk.

It wasn't all that unusual for me to fall asleep in class after a nasty dream from the previous morning. What was unusual was the fact that Haruhi Suzumiya hadn't bothered to slap me awake and drag me by the collar to the club room. Realizing suddenly that I was late for the daily meeting, I quickly got up and quickly carried myself over there.

"Sorry I'm late," I announced as I entered.

I got a more-or-less indifferent reaction from the others: Haruhi, merely scowling for a moment from behind the computer, Itsuki Koizumi and Mikuru Asahina stopping their card game for a moment to thinly smile at me, and Yuki Nagato with the usual icy indifference to everything but the book she was reading.

"About time you showed up," Haruhi barked at me.

"I fell asleep in class," I explained.

"I noticed," Haruhi then said, making it clear that my explanation wasn't welcome.

I glared at Haruhi, realizing again all at once that Haruhi was far too self-centered to allow me a graceful way to excuse myself from a situation that she would have ordinarily remedied herself with her characteristic pushiness. I then briefly debated with myself whether I preferred her rebuke for being tardy or her harsh intrusions into my occasional laxness. It takes a lot more time to describe it than to do it, so suffice it to say that I simply sat next to Koizumi after a brief pause of personal reflection.

"Now that we're all here," Haruhi began, "I'd like to remind all of us that semester exams are coming up. If there's anyone who needs to do some studying, we can get together for that this weekend."

That didn't so much sound like the usual command from on high as much as it did advice. I'm not used to taking advice from Haruhi. She too frequently contradicts herself, as she shortly did later in this conversation. "Can we?" I asked, seeking a mild clarification.

"Let me rephrase that," Haruhi said. "We will get together. I think we all know who I'm talking about when I say that someone here doesn't quite measure up to the rest of us, academically."

Any time Haruhi has some vague complaint about someone, it's pretty much understood that she means me. Nevertheless, I couldn't help noticing Mikuru glancing at Haruhi in a revealing way.

"Sorry, Mikuru," Haruhi responded to that. "I think I should just spell this out for you guys. I think Kyon is probably lagging behind, as usual."

"Oh, am I?" I challenged her.

"Aren't you always?" she shot back, making a cheap shot at me with my history of neglecting my homework.

I sighed and answered, "I procrastinate one time and..."

As I despaired ever being understood how homework is such a trivial thing to me that I sometimes feel confident enough to finish a significant piece of it in the minutes between classes, I happened to notice that Yuki had closed the book she was reading and was sliding it toward me in what was understood by me to be her usual way of sending me some message, enclosed within it on a bookmark.

As I opened the book, Haruhi asked me, "Are teachers marking your answers right, lately?"

As I suspected, the bookmark contained the usual invitation, so I neglected Haruhi's question with a quick, "Actually, you know I could use a good study session."

"Yeah," Koizumi stated cheerfully, "that's the spirit."

"Well, that's good to hear," Haruhi said. "I suggest you guys meet up at Kyon's place some time this Sunday if you're free."

As I said, Haruhi has a real knack for contradicting herself. "Wait," I said. "Aren't you coming, too?"

"No offense, Kyon," she answered, "but I have better things to do."

Which explained why she didn't bother waking me, earlier. Just her usual preoccupation with something that's probably better left alone.

"I'll be free then, Kyon," Mikuru assured me. "Just name the time."

"Well, there's one," I stated, feeling so much better about this situation.

"I'll be there too, buddy," Koizumi said.

"Swell," I acknowledged, more agreeable about him volunteering to help me study than calling me "buddy."

"I've been thinking a lot lately about having a European vacation some time next year," Haruhi explained, "so I really should look for a part time job."

"Oh," Koizumi said, "so you're looking to earn travel expenses?"

"That's correct," Haruhi replied.

"I have friends in Paris," Koizumi offered. "Why not just leave it to me?"

"Thanks, Koizumi," Haruhi said, "but I'd rather not rely on the generosity of your friends all the time. Anyway, it recently occurred to me that I'm sorely lacking in real-world experience, and a job would be just the thing to help with that."

Haruhi looking for a job? Haruhi realizing that she lacked in some desirable character trait? This was very surprising to me. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was my first indication that something very wrong had recently happened to Haruhi which she wasn't comfortable complaining about.

"Isn't travel to Europe really expensive?" I asked her.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kyon," she replied. "I can handle it. You should be more worried about yourself. I mean, I really don't care if you flunk, but then where would this brigade be? We'd lose our status."

"We have a status?" I casually wondered.

"Let's not go there," Koizumi casually deflected me.

"In any case," Haruhi concluded, "that's about all for today."

Normally, I'd have let sleeping dogs lie, but I was still surprised by Haruhi's sudden quest for some more mature tasks to undertake and curious about their origin. "Shouldn't you have some magazines, or something?" I inquired.

"What?" she said, "You mean, for a job?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing. I just know how much you hate doing that kind of thing."

Haruhi then grinned and said, "Forget about it. I've got connections."

I sighed again, thinking I really should know better than to believe that Haruhi doing anything seriously mature is anything more than just a coincidence or a fleeting dream.

"I can shake a few trees and see what falls out," she explained, unnecessarily.

"Aren't you ashamed to get a job that way?" I asked her.

"No," she replied smoothly. "Why should I be?"

"Just asking," I answered, a little too mortified to explain it to her.

She seemed to sense this, because she then lectured me, "Look, Kyon. This is all part of my real-world experience. How do you think most people get jobs? Skills?"

Koizumi turned away from Haruhi at that point, so I had a good look at the brief contempt he exhibited on his face. I have to say, as much as I sympathize with that feeling, I really enjoy seeing Koizumi's disappointment with the person he regards as god-like. I then realized that he was probably already weighing his obligations to Haruhi against that disgust he must have felt for her. It almost made me pity him, so I said, "Well, good luck. I hope you do manage to land a job."

"Don't worry," Haruhi answered. "We will."

"What?" I said, not expecting another self-contradiction. "You're going to make me work, too?"

"You're starting to catch on, there," she answered, as if she was being clever.

While I was feeling sorry for myself, Haruhi had gotten up and was preparing to leave. On the way out, she patted me on the back. Again, it was subtle and I didn't realize it at the time, but this was a clear signal that something was really wrong.

As she left, she added, "Like you said, Kyon. Travel to Europe is really expensive."

I then realized with disgust, "She only listens to me when it's convenient for her."

"Sorry," Koizumi stated, smiling half-sincerely. "If it's any consolation, I always listen to you."

"Thanks a lot," I said, wryly musing on that. 


	11. Chapter 11

- Chapter 2: Ulterior Motives

Having escaped from the mire of idiocy that is the SOS Brigade meetings, I was actually looking forward to what Yuki had in store for me, even though I was fairly certain it was going to be "wonderful and magical" (and not in a good way). Still, it had to be better than being lectured by a bossy, self-centered girl who is constantly trying to ruin your life.

As I walked toward Nagato's apartment, I had the additional pleasure of being joined in my excursion by Miss Asahina.

"Hey there," she said, very casually.

"Hey, Miss Asahina," I answered.

Mikuru Asahina is such a reserved and quiet girl, I think I can almost forget at times that she's a time-traveling bundle of mystery, herself. There's just something so right about her infrequent attempts to engage conversation with me that it could never occur to me that there might be weirdness like temporal paradoxes or things of that nature occurring any time we speak.

"So," she softly started, "how are things going?"

"Not bad," I replied, thinking of this present moment. "I guess I can't complain."

"That's nice to hear," she answered, then stammered, "I... well..."

Up to this moment, I had let it slide from my mind that Mikuru had recently seen Yuki kissing me on the cheek. It then dawned on me that Mikuru might have a word or two to say about that, so I prompted her, "Is this about Miss Nagato?"

"Oh, thank you," she said. "I'm not really good at starting awkward conversations."

"Well, if you like, we can go find out," I offered. "I'm headed over to her place."

"Great," she replied, sincerely pleased at this turn in the discussion.

"How are things going with you?" I asked her.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Thanks for asking."

Those words seemed to me like sweet candy on the tongue of my mind. I not only felt redeemed of sins of the past but also felt that she was further including me into her small circle of close acquaintances. To top it off, I was actually walking with her. Walking with Mikuru Asahina. I had forgotten how great it is to have moments like this.

"What?" she asked, interrupting my daydream.

"Oh, nothing," I answered. "It's just that I've always had this fantasy where we're walking together side-by-side like this. It's nice, I have to admit."

"Oh jeez," she said, turning away.

"Sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true."

"Should we really be talking about this?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry."

"It's not like I'm not interested, but you know..."

"Okay," I said, wondering what she meant by that.

"I'm just a little worried," she explained.

"About my grades?" I asked her.

"What?" she said, not quite on the same wavelength.

"You don't need to worry," I explained. "I'm fully prepared for the exam coming up. I've also been very studious and prompt with my homework."

"So, why agree to a study session?" she asked.

"Oh, come on," I replied. "It's on a Sunday. Why not get together and just have some fun?"

"Okay," she acknowledged me. "I see."

"Anyway, I suspect Miss Suzumiya had an ulterior motive in suggesting it," I continued. "I have a hunch she'll show up, despite her statement to the contrary."

"You really think so?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied, thinking that something was amiss with this conversation. I thought back and realized that Mikuru had said that she was worried, but Mikuru being Mikuru had just gone with the flow when I misunderstood her. I corrected this by asking, "So, you're worried about Miss Nagato?"

"Yeah," she answered. "I mean, I'm concerned that things are going..."

Seeing her blush told me everything I needed to know, and I assured her, "You don't have anything to worry about. It's not like we're dating or anything."

"Okay."

"I mean, I'm not even sure what I think about all this. I've always liked Nagato, but I've never really thought about her that way."

"Really?"

"She always says, 'We can discuss it later.' Or she just doesn't say anything. It's really infuriating, sometimes."

"Well, she is still a girl."

"Right," I said, feeling the flow of the conversation had ground to a halt. I started it up again with, "Anyway, I'll be glad to have you with me. I just can't picture this being a normal conversation that I'm about to have."

"Excuse me?" she said, clearly confused.

"Oh, well I guess you've never noticed," I said, realizing, "but anytime Miss Nagato wants to talk to me, it's never about anything sweet or girlish or even... you know, normal."

"Okay," she stated. "Well, I'm glad to help."

"And you can chaperon Miss Nagato," I added, "not that she really needs it."

Mikuru blushed again, so I guess I had hit the mark with that little verbal foray.

"Something is definitely not right, though," I warned.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I had the strangest dream, earlier this morning," I said, glancing at her apprehensively. "I don't quite remember it, but it really shook me up. I had a lot of trouble sleeping."

"What was it about?" she asked, honestly curious.

"The dream?" I said, shaking my head, not really willing to discuss it out loud. "I don't... I don't quite remember. It was disturbing, that's for sure."

"Are you going to talk to Miss Nagato about it?"

"No way. I don't want her to know."

"That's really weird, coming from you."

"Really? Yeah, I guess it is."

Very casually, she added, "I'd have thought you'd be open about it, considering how much you hate hiding things."

"Some things I don't mind hiding," I softly admitted. I then politely offered, "You know, you don't have to be so nice to me. I'm just going to find out what horrific weirdness is about to happen this week. I have a feeling I already know what it is, but I just want to make sure. No need for you to come along."

"Oh, yeah?" she said. "Well, now I really want to come along."

I sighed and said, "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." 


	12. Chapter 12

- Chapter 3: A Mysterious Visitation

Few things are as stimulating as the thought of one of these conversations with Yuki, especially when (like this time) she hauls out the nondescript clay teapot and seems about to brandish some tea at me. I've come to understand that this is her way of signaling that unacceptably weird notions are about to be launched at the ship of my perceived reality, causing yet more leaks to spring in its hull.

"Hey, Nagato," I casually announced myself.

"Hello," Mikuru said, as we sat at the table.

Sitting across from Miss Nagato, if I have Miss Asahina nearby, it makes me feel like I'm the one being chaperoned. Surely the weirdness will be mitigated, I thought naively. "Is it okay if Miss Asahina joins us?" I asked, hardly daring to believe my good fortune.

"It is," Yuki replied.

"That's good," I stated. "I hope this isn't about anything too personal."

"It is not," Yuki assured me.

"I..." I cast about in my mind for a moment and then said, "I don't suppose this is about our little study group we're having on Sunday."

Yuki turned to Mikuru and held out her teapot, encouragingly, "Please..." Mikuru nodded and Yuki poured some tea, then put the cup in front of Mikuru.

"Thanks," Mikuru said, reflexively. Mikuru took a sip, then put the rest down, expectantly.

Yuki turned to me and asked, "Tea?"

"No, thank you," I replied, realizing that Yuki was more adept at reading the atmosphere than I anticipated, which disappointed me somehow.

I knew I was in trouble when I saw that Yuki needed a moment to collect herself for this discussion. She then smoothly continued, "The subject of this discussion is indeed the Sunday meeting. However, there is a complication."

"Complication?" I asked, grimacing.

"Specifically," Yuki added, "I'm being visited by the remnants of a Haruhi Suzumiya psyche emanation..."

Yuki seemed to be prompting my approval of a simplification, which I guessed, "A ghost?"

"To put it simply, yes," Yuki quickly acknowledged.

Mikuru almost seemed about to laugh as I shook my head in baffled disbelief. A moment later, the glowing form of Haruhi floated through one of Yuki's bare walls and straight into the room, coming to a sitting position at the table across from Mikuru almost as if on command.

"Hello," I interjected, not quite realizing I had said this aloud.

"Oh my God!" Mikuru said, still with a stunned half-smirk on her face.

"Hello," said the apparition, looking at me. "I'd like to join your little get-together."

Looking at the specter of Haruhi speak is quite an experience in itself. She doesn't move her lips in the way you'd expect, and your mind screams at you that you aren't hearing her say anything. Nevertheless, you hear a voice in your heart speaking the words as surely as if the actual Haruhi had said them herself, and there is a lingering impression that she is communicating through her eyes, directly into your soul.

"Okay..." I muttered. "Just let me finish having my heart attack, first."

Looking around, I could see that Yuki appeared unphased. Really? What did I expect? Mikuru, on the other hand, slowly unfroze out of her smirk into a genuine grimace and then with a gasp like a balloon popping, she turned away and began trembling. "I..." she softly confessed, "need to go get a breath of fresh air..." Having said this, she got up and stumbled quickly outside.

"Wha-?" I tried to find my voice. "I... That is..."

"Something the matter?" Haruhi asked, apparently baffled by Mikuru's reaction.

"I'm not dreaming this, am I?" I finally asked, finding something coherent to say. Haruhi merely glared at me, prompting me to admit, "I know. Stupid question."

"Don't look so surprised," Haruhi said. "You were warned, you know?"

Magical? Maybe. Wonderful? I think the jury is still out on that. Nevertheless, I admitted, "I know, but it's still..." I looked back at Haruhi, once again finding myself unable to speak coherently, "You aren't...?"

"What?"

"Are you the Haruhi I know? Having an out-of-body experience or something?"

"Weren't you listening? Of course, I'm not! Duh! I'm myself."

"Okay."

"If anything, I'm superior. Although, I have to admit this is somewhat limiting."

For a moment there, I almost forgot what I was speaking with, "What? Oh, you mean being a ghost?"

Haruhi scowled and complained, "Must you use that vulgar term? I prefer the term psychic emanation."

"Psychic..." I attempted.

"Emanation," she finished for me. "Yeah, so save all the fingernail-biting nonsense for Mikuru."

"Well," I said, "that's kind of a relief." I sincerely hoped that by saying so, it would start to feel that way.

"I would hope so," Haruhi added. "I mean, jeez! I'm still Haruhi, you know. I'm not some menacing devil."

"Really?" I asked, not really doubting her identity as much as her nature.

"Don't start with me, Kyon," she warned me.

"Okay, whatever you say," I conceded. "But are you still alive?"

"No," she replied, and I was surprised to notice that she appeared pouty as she stated this.

"Well, then," I concluded. "You're a ghost."

"Psychic emanation," she insisted.

This conversation had so confirmed to me the identity of this specter that I comfortably rolled my eyes when I heard her defensively posturing like this.

"I'll have you know," she continued, "that I can be far more powerful like this than I ever was when I was alive!"

"I'll bet," I said, mockingly.

"I could go around... you know..." she tried to brag, "...saving kittens from trees or stuff like that."

"More likely," I corrected her, "you'd scare them right up into a tree."

"You want me to start haunting you?" she threatened.

I found the notion of this Haruhi haunting me to be silly and annoying, now that I was over the initial shock. Still, I didn't want her interrupting my personal meditations. "What?" I protested. "What for?"

Haruhi then held up my tea cup and started to wave it in my face. "Wooo..." she added, mimicking a stereotypical ghostly sound.

"Give me a break," I said, a little exasperated.

She then put the cup back down and added, "Okay, I admit that was a little childish."

This all struck me funny, and I guess Mikuru was wondering what the joke was. She poked her head inside for a moment, then immediately went back out and shut the door the moment we noticed.

"What a wuss," Haruhi said. "That Mikuru is such a disappointment."

"It's really too bad," I agreed. "I was kind of hoping she could handle it."

"You invited her here?" Haruhi asked.

"No. In fact, I warned her not to come, but she insisted."

"Oh jeez. We really need to work on her."

"Please don't."

"You have a soft spot for her?"

"No, I just know how much you like toying with her."

"Well, she is my toy-"

"Let's not get into that again."

"Oh, all right."

Again, we'd had another characteristic back-and-forth, like nothing was wrong. It reminded me that something really was wrong, and I wondered where this Haruhi had come from, but I couldn't find a way to ask it, so I just said, "This is so weird. You really are just like Haruhi, even if you are a gho- I mean a..."

"Psychic emanation," Haruhi corrected, insistently. "Damn it, Kyon. Is that really so hard to say?"

I looked at Yuki and asked, "How does this keep happening?"

"This?" Yuki asked.

"Every time we get together," I explained, "it's one weird thing after another."

"I felt you should know," she replied.

I sighed, realizing that I was complaining over nothing again. "Sorry. I am grateful, but..."

Haruhi then asked, "Would you have preferred if I had just shown up?"

"Well," I said, thinking for a moment, "now that you put it that way..."

"I won't go if you don't want me to," Haruhi offered.

"No, it's okay," I said. "You can come if you want. It's just a little sudden. I mean, I don't deal with psychic emanations every day."

"Yeah," she approved, "that's it." 


	13. Chapter 13

- Chapter 4: A Scary Person

Looking back, I've started to realize that I've been plunging through my life like a man who simply steps off the edge of a cliff without stopping to take in the view, first. In all of that remarkable conversation with Haruhi, not once did it occur to me to ask the really important questions, like how she had died or why she chose this particular time to come haunting at Nagato's apartment. The only thing I could think to talk about were the really immediate and trivial concerns of the moment. I even repeated this mistake a few hours later, while sitting in front of the TV.

Again, Haruhi the specter appeared, floating through the wall as if it were the most natural thing to do.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, not expecting Haruhi to simply come floating into the room.

"Excuse me," Haruhi said, not really looking apologetic about it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

"Sorry, I'm just so bored," she said, apologizing insincerely again.

"So, you came over to my house?" I concluded.

"Well, it's this or Yuki's," she explained. "No one will let me go where I want."

"Let you-" I softly wondered.

"I can't be seen by 'normal' people," she complained. "They would just freak out and run away or start chanting something weird if they can."

"You can't just disappear or something?" I asked, honestly curious.

Haruhi snidely replied, "Excuse me for being inconvenient. Maybe you'd prefer if I didn't exist."

"Well, that would be more convenient for me, but I guess I can't ignore you now that it's come to this."

"You should be grateful that you can see me at all. Most people just look right through me."

"So, you mean most people can't see you?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so why not just stay at Nagato's?"

"You really have to ask?"

"Wait. Did Nagato just let you leave?"

"No. I snuck out when she was asleep."

"Asleep..." I muttered, wondering what Yuki looked like when she was asleep.

"That Yuki scares me," Haruhi admitted hesitantly.

"That's funny," I stated, "coming from you."

"I'm serious!" Haruhi protested. "Is she even human? She just sits and stares for hours at a time! I don't think she blinked, the moment you left."

"Yeah," I admitted, "I get the feeling she's an android at times."

"I wouldn't be surprised," she added. "I didn't even realize she was asleep until I tried waking her. Did you know that she sleeps with her eyes open?"

This talk about eyes made me conscious again that Haruhi the specter seemed to be speaking directly to me through her eyes. "I'm really surprised that she let you come here," I said, shifting the topic away from that uncomfortable thought.

"How would she stop me?" Haruhi asked.

"I..." I said, thinking. "I'm not completely sure about that one, myself."

"I looked around that apartment of hers and I couldn't find one single thing," Haruhi continued her complaint. "I mean, she has a tea pot and some dishes. There's some beds in the other room, but I don't think they've ever been slept in."

Now that Haruhi had mentioned it, that reminded me of when Miss Asahina and I had used a couple beds at her place. Yes, Yuki can be a little scary, at times.

Haruhi scowled and demanded, "Does she ever eat?"

"I know we've seen her eating plenty of times," I replied.

"Really?" she said, genuinely unconvinced.

"Yeah..." I said, starting to wonder if I really had. "Well, I think I've seen her eating."

"Because I didn't see any dirty dishes," she continued. "And there's nothing in that refrigerator. No pots or pans. No rice or tofu or anything in any of the cabinets." I think Haruhi had meant to say "beans" instead of "tofu," but this was just her usual slip of the tongue, so to speak.

"Sounds like you were pretty thorough," I observed.

"If she's an android," she wondered, "then where does she get her power? Or does she run on batteries?"

"That's a good question." I answered. "Somehow, I doubt she'll ever tell us."

Haruhi seemed to shudder slightly, then added, "I'm not going back there, Kyon. She creeps me out."

Much as it amuses me to think of a ghost who's afraid of people, I really needed a handle on this situation.  
"Well, I don't want people to see you here," I told her. "If the Haruhi of this world comes here, you really need to hide. I doubt she would have a problem seeing you."

"If your Haruhi comes here," she said. "I'm going to hide because that's just too weird of a situation. I'm more worried about that Yuki."

"And another thing. I don't want you teasing Miss Asahina."

"Mikuru is a spoiled wallflower. I ain't cutting her any slack."

"Please. Just go a little easy on her."

"All right, but tomorrow at three she's fair game. She'll have you, Koizumi, and Yuki to be her white knights, so don't complain if I happen to pull a prank or two on her."

"I really don't get what you like so much about teasing her."

"Tormenting Mikuru is one of the few pleasures I have in life."

"You see, this is-" I started, but got interrupted by the doorbell. "Huh. I wonder who that is..."

Haruhi seemed worried and started to hide, saying, "Oh crap. If that's Yuki, tell her I'm not here."

I went to the foyer to answer the door. I was not at all surprised to see Earthly Haruhi standing there.

"Hey Kyon, you got a minute?" she asked, and I was momentarily stunned by the fact that she actually made sound and moved her lips to speak.

"This can't wait till tomorrow?" I asked, still trying to convince myself that I could touch her if I reached out and tried.

"Don't be like that," she complained. "Just come on."

"All right," I quickly relented, thankful just to get out of the house, "but let me get my jacket." 


	14. Chapter 14

- Chapter 5: The Sadistic Prank

Evening at the park is a very scenic location. It's just the kind of thing you might want to take a date to, so it was no surprise that I saw some guy waiting expectantly at a bench. I sighed and resolved myself to approach this situation as any sane man would.

"So, you're the guy," I said to him.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm a classmate," I explained unnecessarily, "you might have heard of me-"

Before I could tell him my name, he said, "Oh, I know you! You're one of Suzumiya's henchmen."

This is, of course, a running gag. I can never tell anyone my real name because that would spoil the fun. Just like how I was spoiling the fun for Haruhi by talking to this guy. Oh, and this guy's name? Let's just call him "that guy" for now. I don't want his friends or family to have to suffer the embarrassment of being associated with his criminal behavior.

"Right," I answered. "Anyway, don't expect this girl you got a note from to show up."

"What?" he asked. "Is this some kind of prank?"

"Yeah," I replied honestly. "Suzumiya is trying to get back at you for some reason."

"Damn it," he said, scowling. "I should have realized."

At this point, I thought I heard Haruhi muttering, and I glanced around to see if she had unwisely revealed herself.

"Well," he concluded, "she got me."

I was feeling sympathetic, so I asked him, "Hey, you mind if I ask you something?"

"I don't mind," he answered with an unusual assurance in his demeanor. "Go right ahead."

"What did you do to piss off Suzumiya so much that she wanted me to pretend to be a slasher?" I asked him.

"A slasher?" he remarked, still very calm and content with himself. "Wow. That definitely wasn't what I expected."

"I know, right?" I said, taking off the dusty fedora she'd given me to wear. "What the hell kind of slasher would wear this?"

"That's pretty lame," he stated, matter-of-factly.

"She did give me a big kitchen knife," I added, taking out said knife. "It might have worked."

"Sure," he conceded, "if I wasn't a black belt in karate."

I muttered to myself, "Some days I'm really glad I was born with brains. Anyway..."

"Yeah, sure," he said, mildly eager to explain his situation. "Listen, you're going to love this. I arrange for one of the third-year girls to tell Suzumiya that she'd seen UFOs from the roof of the school one night."

"UFOs?" I wondered.

"I know," he added with that inexpressible calm that belied his words. "Suzumiya is such a sucker for occult crap like that. So, while she's up on the school's roof looking around for UFOs, I drop this dummy down on the ground where I'd just dropped some balloons filled with fake blood."

"So it looked like someone had just fallen to their death?" I guessed.

"Exactly. I make sure to do the whole screaming right before it impacts to get her attention, and Suzumiya comes right over. What she doesn't realize is that I'm dressed up like a ghost."

"Wow. Don't tell me that worked?"

"Hell yeah, it worked. I told her I'd just killed myself because she... Well, anyway she starts throwing a tantrum and then when I tell her I'm going to throw her off the roof, she gets really scared and starts to run away."

As disgusted as I was by his story, I merely stated, "I have to applaud your creativity."

He continued, "I grab her and she starts crying and screaming that she didn't kill me and please don't kill me and all that." He began laughing and added, "My God! It was hilarious! I've never laughed so hard in all my life."

"Oh, I see," I realized. "You're that guy who confessed to her the Monday before last."

"Was that so wrong?" he asked, finally showing some consternation on his face. "I mean, I pour my heart out to her and she calls me an idiot. What did I ever do to her?"

Much as I wanted to punch this guy even at the risk of getting a black-belt quality beat down, I couldn't help but also sympathize. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to slap Haruhi. "So, why did you confess to her? Seriously?" I asked. "You know she's a super weirdo."

He sighed and admitted, "I guess I'm a sucker for a pretty face."

"I understand," I also admitted, thinking back to my first impressions of Haruhi. Super weirdo or not, she does have a kind of magnetic, animal charm.

"Hey," he said, back to being calm and cool, "thanks for not going slasher on me. It probably would have freaked me out."

"No problem," I answered.

As the guy left, I sat and pondered on the situation. I began to wonder about all the ways this scene might have played out, as Haruhi approached me with a seriously annoyed expression on her face.

"You really suck," she told me, "you know that?"

"I know," I confessed, unable to disagree.

Later that evening, as I was enjoying a book in my bedroom, I noticed Haruhi the specter floating by. I wasn't shocked, though. I had assumed she'd mostly been hiding in the bathroom.

"What is it this time?" I asked her.

"I just wanted you to know," she replied, "that I overheard your conversation with that guy."

"You did?" I said, not really listening.

"Yeah," she replied, "and I just chased him halfway across town. He screamed and screamed like a little girl."

"You really are hard on that guy," I said. "First you reject him outright, then you torment him like that."

"Not me, specifically," Haruhi corrected me. "I felt I owed it to myself," she added, contradicting herself.

I looked up from my reading to see how much Haruhi was smiling, and asked, "So, he could see you?"

"Unfortunately for him, yeah," she replied.

"Okay," I said, going back to reading. I then sincerely added, "Well, good for you." 


	15. Chapter 15

- Chapter 6: Making the Right Choices

The next morning, I went over to Nagato's apartment with the stated intention of discussing what fun things we were going to do instead of studying later that afternoon. I knew this would have the effect of making Haruhi the specter follow, though she must have suspected what we were really going to discuss. Maybe she was bored, as well, because she was still musing on thoughts of revenge.

"I don't know," she argued. "It doesn't really seem like enough."

"What do you want?" I asked. "Blood? I think getting chased around by an actual ghost-"

"Psychic emanation," she smoothly corrected me.

"-for half the night is probably enough," I finished, not bothering to pause for her interruption.

"That guy still pisses me off," she complained.

"Maybe you should just leave the revenge thing to the Haruhi who actually wants it," I suggested.

"Oh, all right," she said, "but I'm still not happy about it."

"Why are we even talking about this?" I asked her.

"You asked about fun things to do..." she reminded me.

"Right," I said, wondering whether I should be more disgusted with Haruhi than that guy. "I forgot that fun for you means tormenting people."

"It isn't about tormenting people," she explained. "It's about making choices. If you can't go around making the right choices in your life, then there's no point in complaining when people make them for you."

"That doesn't even make any sense," I told her.

"Sure, it does," she insisted. "Personal responsibility! If you can't be trusted to not screw with people, then you deserve to be tormented!"

And, once again, she contradicted herself. "So," I concluded, "it is about tormenting people."

"God!" she complained. "Why do I even bother? You're such a blockhead!"

Between struggling to be Haruhi's conscience and Yuki's interpreter, I'd much rather be employed doing the latter. There's far less irritation, even if the things Yuki says do blow my mind on a regular basis. Speaking of Yuki, I might have been imagining it, but she seemed a little perkier than usual. Not having to put up with Haruhi can do that for you.

"Good morning, Nagato," I said.

"Hey there, Yuki," Haruhi said.

"Good morning," Yuki answered us.

"Sorry about last night," I sincerely apologized.

"No need to apologize," she responded.

"This must be a hassle for you," I guessed.

As I said this, Haruhi and I went and sat at the table again, me across from Yuki, and Haruhi with her back to the windows.

"Whether there is difficulty," Yuki stated, "my purpose is to discover the nature of Miss Suzumiya. The anomalous emanations of standing waves in the higher-level data planes is the first priority of an advanced interface data unit."

"Okay..." I said, not connecting any of that verbiage with any kind of meaning. "So, do you have any idea how we should deal with all this?"

"As I said," Yuki replied, "the discovery of Miss Suzumiya's true nature is our priority."

"What?" I answered. "You don't already know how to...?"

"Perform an exorcism?" Haruhi guessed.

"That isn't what I meant," I responded, wondering why Yuki hadn't bothered to offer tea, this time. Surely, this would be the more appropriate time?

"If you are concerned about our forthcoming analysis," she plunged ahead, "I believe the true difficulty will lie in convincing Itsuki Koizumi to provide cooperation."

"You think he's going to freak out at the sight of ghostly Suzumiya?" I asked.

"I do not doubt his mental fortitude," she replied. "The problem is whether his superstitions will interfere with his abilities."

"I'm sorry," I said, "but I'm not quite following." Why on Earth would we need Koizumi's abilities for anything?

"As you have no doubt observed," Yuki explained, "Koizumi is the victim of an aggressive authoritarian sect. If he were to report our attempt, he would be ordered to treat Miss Suzumiya's emanation as if it were a hostile emanation of an independent corrosive alternate space, or a celestial if you prefer."

"Really?" I said, more fascinated by this warning than with wondering about his role in our "analysis" of Haruhi.

"To be specific," Yuki added, "their superstition relies on the elemental unity of the person of Miss Suzumiya. Any deviation from that unity is treated as a potential threat, not just to their security but to the dogma they use to control their members."

I somehow managed to follow that and asked, "So, that slider version of Miss Suzumiya was also a threat?"

"There was a danger in that situation, as well," Yuki supplied. "However, since the Haruhi Suzumiya from the alternate iteration of the universe was already in transit, they decided to permit it rather than risk a dangerous confrontation."

Haruhi chimed in, "Am I crazy or are you guys saying that Koizumi is in some kind of cult?"

"Oh, right," I said. "I forgot this Haruhi Suzumiya doesn't know anything about Koizumi."

"I mean," Haruhi added, "I know Koizumi has a lot of well-connected friends."

I explained, "Koizumi is basically like a priest with weird psychic powers and thinks of you like an all-powerful god."

Haruhi laughed and said, "You've got to be kidding me."

"I really wish it was a joke," I said, muttering.

"Come on!" Haruhi insisted.

Yuki turned to Haruhi and added, "This data is unnecessary for you to process, however there are advantages in treating this input seriously."

"Am I the only sane person in my brigade?" Haruhi wondered. "What? Is Mikuru going to grow tentacles and transform into a monster or something?"

"She's a time-traveler," I reminded her, "but that's not really important right now."

"A time-traveler?" she said, baffled.

I jumped ahead to the part that had been bothering me and asked Yuki, "Do we really need Koizumi at all? What about this Data Overmind thing?"

"The Data Integration Thought Entity can collect and transform data," Yuki informed me, "however the type of data that this emanation presents is a higher-level. Itsuki Koizumi can create an unstable standing wave in the higher-level data plane."

"You mean that orb of light he uses when he fights celestials?" I asked.

"The boundaries of that standing wave have a destructive influence on anything they intersect, however the inner domain can contain and transport data across an otherwise inaccessible space," Yuki explained.

"Oh yeah," I said, thinking back to how Koizumi himself would fly around inside the thing, "now that I think about it. I kind of remember that."

"Whoa!" Haruhi commanded. "Hold on!"

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Okay," she complained, "you guys are just jabbering away on some crazy stuff, there!"

"Let me see if I can translate all this," I said. "We're going to need Koizumi to help us perform some kind of test on you." In retrospect, I hadn't fully understood what Yuki was telling me, but this seemed pretty close to the truth.

"Koizumi has some kind of weird powers?" Haruhi asked.

"Koizumi can fly around inside of a big red orb," I explained, "if he's inside of a closed space. In normal circumstances, he says he can't do anything out of the ordinary."

"The alternate space he will require already exists inside your room," Yuki added.

"My room?" I asked, as baffled as Haruhi, now.

"In your closet, to be precise," Yuki added further.

"When did this happen?" I asked Yuki.

"Several independent spaces were unintentionally created by Miss Suzumiya over the past six months," Yuki replied.

"I've really been missing out, haven't I?" Haruhi asked me.

"Yeah," I answered, thinking my life was like some really lame comedy, "that's the joke."

"Ha ha ha," she said, mockingly. "Nice joke. Meanwhile, your head is spinning like this all the time?"

"We don't get crazy-bombed every week. Just..." I said, and stopped to think for a moment, "...like every other week, on average. I have to admit that it's been getting a little more insane than usual, lately."

"If only your Haruhi could see you now," Haruhi added.

"Tell me about it," I said, not really wanting to imagine her reaction, especially with everything that had been happening, lately. 


	16. Chapter 16

- Chapter 7: Word Games

Having firmly crushed any hope that we would do nothing substantial, I resolved myself to thinking that maybe what we were about to embark on wouldn't actually be anything like what it actually turned out to be. When three came around, Koizumi, Mikuru, and Yuki had dutifully come over to my house for the previously mentioned study group that was actually just an ordinary get-together, with the addition of an as-yet unexplained apparition of Haruhi. This Haruhi had been warned previously to hide until we came for her, as there was no knowing how Koizumi would react.

We went to the living room, where some old samurai flick had been playing on TV, and began discussing a few hypothetical situations as if we were simply amusing ourselves with playing the old "what if" game. I think I must have tipped my hand a little too quickly, because Koizumi quickly realized the situation.

"So," he concluded, "this whole hypothetical game we've been playing is just your way of asking whether you can trust me?"

"I didn't really expect you to catch on so quickly, but..." I admitted.

Koizumi laughed and protested, "Oh, come on. I think I've proven myself quite a few times to you guys. If I had reported everything we'd ever done, we'd have been killed dozens of times over the last five months."

"So," Mikuru asked him, "you really don't have a problem keeping this a secret?"

"I've been keeping so many things secret from my order," he cheerfully explained, "that it's getting to be a real pain trying to remember which factions I've told which stories and which versions of those stories they are aware of and which ones they think are true or have already started to suspect aren't true..." He sighed and added, "It's such a bother."

"Well, that's very reassuring," I said. "However, you can see why we'd be reluctant. We are talking about life or death, here."

"Isn't it always?" he asked in his more usual half-cheerful way. "You see, this is why we can't have nice things. There's all these miscommunications and misunderstandings between us. I hope, Miss Nagato, that we can be a little more open with each other in the future."

"As I said," Yuki supplied, "your input is always welcome."

"I appreciate that," he answered sincerely. "I hope you also appreciate the fact that I happen to be a member of one of the less orthodox factions of my order. It's made things so much easier than it would have been, otherwise."

"No offense," I said, "but we really only have your word for it that we can trust you."

"What else can I offer you?" he admitted. "Sometimes, words are all you have to go on. However, I like to think the incident at the baseball tournament speaks for itself. There's also my cooperation with that incident of the missing computer club president, not to mention that awful time when Miss Suzumiya made us do that movie."

I told him, "I don't see what you're getting at..."

"Well," he said, thinking for a moment, "I guess my point is that I could have easily reported to my superiors how you were difficult and apparently caused a lot of extra dangerous work for us. I'm confident they wouldn't have hesitated to spirit you away, and it would have saved me a lot of grief."

"This isn't just about me," I added, getting uncomfortable with him shifting the topic.

"Of course not," Koizumi said, getting about as irritated as I'd ever seen him, "but if there's anyone in this group I would honestly suspect isn't trustworthy, it's you, Kyon."

"Me?" I asked, baffled at that conclusion.

"That's right," he said. "The rest of us are risking a lot just by being here. Miss Nagato, Miss Asahina, myself, even Miss Suzumiya. We've put our lives on the line several times when we could have easily decided not to. What have you ever done for us?"

"I didn't ask for this," I replied. "Nobody ever asks anything of me. I was literally dragged into this by the collar of my shirt. I get lots of friendly advice and helpful information, but do any of you stop to think about whether I really wanted it?"

Koizumi smiled, probably thinking that he himself was the lone exception to my tirade.

"You want someone to do grunt work?" I continued. "Yeah, that's my job. Hey, want someone to run the camera and to haul around heavy equipment? My job again. It may not seem like much, either, but who do you think convinces Miss Suzumiya to not do stupid stuff all the time? Do I really need to go into detail about how many situations I've rescued us from?"

"All right," he said, "you have a point. But please put yourself in my shoes. Had I wanted to, I could have reported to my superiors about this situation here many times over."

I really couldn't deny that. It seemed annoying to me that I was harping on this, but I've always had a problem trusting Koizumi. "Sorry," I said, "I guess some of this is personal."

"There's nothing to forgive," he said, casually dismissing my apology. "You're quite correct in not trusting me. After all, my order espouses a world view that is very dangerous to those who lack our powers. However, I do think my experience earns me a little consideration."

"Okay, well I guess we can call this settled?" I asked the others. "What do you think, Nagato?"

"I agree," she said.

"Okay," Koizumi added. "As long as we're being hypothetical here, how can I get you to hook up with Miss Suzumiya?"

"Hook up?" I asked, a little startled that he would bring up such a seriously personal issue. "What am I? An electrical appliance?"

"I'm serious," he said, very sincerely. "I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with something, but I'm obviously not having any impact. So, you tell me. What am I doing wrong?"

I looked around and noticed that Mikuru was turned away to try to hide her blushing from me. I decided to go for the kill, if that was possible in words, "It's not that your transparent attempts to make me more receptive to her are obvious. I think it's really more the fact that we just don't get along. I mean Miss Suzumiya and myself."

He unflinching returned, "Okay, then what would she have to do to impress you? You know what? Just forget I mentioned Miss Suzumiya. What kind of girl do you picture yourself having a relationship with?"

"What is this?" I asked him. "A slumber party? Are we all twelve-year-olds?"

"Just answer the question," he insisted. "I'm dying to hear the answer."

"All right," I said. "I'll give you my honest opinion." I thought for a moment, and it seemed to me like this was his way of provoking me into thinking negatively about Yuki having kissed me on the cheek the other day. It was a little insulting that he seemed to think me so easy to manipulate, and I answered, "The most important thing is she would have to not be Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Don't tell me that," he casually dismissed that answer.

I think I scored a hit with that, so I added, honestly, "Okay. I'll be serious. I really think... the most important thing is being sociable. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean being outgoing. Miss Suzumiya has plenty of that, for sure. I mean, she would have to be someone who really thinks before she speaks. Someone who can be clever and witty."

"All right," he said. "Duly noted."

"I will admit Miss Suzumiya has her positive side," I offered, hoping to steer this conversation away from something personal.

"For example?" Koizumi prompted.

"She is smart when she wants to be," I replied, "and she's athletic. I don't think I could put up with someone who was lazy."

"I didn't know you were so picky," he said, taking the verbal bait I was offering.

"I'm not," I answered. "I think I'm being perfectly normal." I turned to Mikuru and asked her, "Doesn't this all sound like a perfectly normal, healthy person I'm describing?"

"I'm not really sure what I think," Mikuru softly admitted, "but you do have admirable standards. I hope it works out for you."

Having achieved this awkward pause, I had hoped that it would ward away any further probing into this issue. Nevertheless, Koizumi persisted, "So, if Miss Suzumiya achieved this sociability and then made some hints of her affection... How do you think we could make this happen?"

I sighed and deflected him, saying, "I don't know. I can't even picture it."

"Oh well," he conceded. "I'll just have to try my best to make it happen."

"Please don't," I said. "I have enough to worry about as it is."

"I guess you already have something with Miss Nagato?" he bluntly stated, throwing away all pretense of discussing anything else.

"I don't, actually," I denied it, scowling. "That's what this is really about, isn't it?"

Koizumi only smiled, not bothering to deny anything.

"Nothing is going on," I insisted, "okay?"

"If you say so," he casually dismissed my answer. "In that case, you have nothing to worry about."

"I think it's a little too personal," I flatly rejected his offer.

"I think we may be past that point," he insisted.

"How do you figure that?" I asked, already knowing how he was going to answer.

"Miss Nagato did kiss you," he said. "I can't just ignore that. You can't sit there and tell me it had no effect on you."

I think Mikuru's face had turned completely red, but she was in for a further shock when I went and sat between her and Yuki. It seemed to me that Koizumi seriously underestimated me, because he just smiled as if to say that there was no way I was about to do what I seemed to be about to do.

"You mean, like this?" I asked, putting my arm around Yuki's shoulders.

"Huh?" Koizumi answered innocently. "Oh, I see. You mean, I can't ignore this, either."

"I'm still figuring things out," I added.

"Yeah," Koizumi observed, "you do have a tendency to live spontaneously." He sighed and added, "It serves me right for trying to meddle."

Now that it had come to this, it seemed like a good fit in spite of how short Yuki is. I asked her, "Doesn't that feel nice?"

"I have no opinion," she replied, "one way or the other."

I'm not sure the others could notice, but there did seem to be a slight hesitation in Yuki's response. "Isn't she cute?" I asked them, to see if they had noticed.

"Okay," Mikuru softly complained, "that's enough fraternizing."

"Now, I think this may be getting a little too personal," Koizumi complained.

I had no intention of stopping, but then I noticed that specter Haruhi had begun to float into the room. I quickly took my seat again, as if nothing were the matter.

"Hey guys, are we doing this?" Haruhi asked. "I've been sitting in that bathroom forever." Haruhi then had a brief look of bewilderment. I think seeing Mikuru's persistent blush and the slight smirk on Yuki's face prompted her to ask us, "Am I interrupting something?" 


	17. Chapter 17

- Chapter 8: A Meeting of Minds

With that bit of silly unpleasantness out of the way, we went up to my room and awaited orders from Nagato, who we knew would have a lot more to say about this situation. You don't climb to the peak of a mountain and then just start climbing down, so none of us expected anything less than the usual world-class level of weirdness.

"I've never been in a boy's room before," Mikuru said, breaking the ice a bit.

"Really?" I asked.

"Well," she softly admitted, "not one I knew personally."

"Are we here to chit-chat?" specter Haruhi complained. "I'm ready to go."

"Is there something we should do?" I asked Nagato, my mind going back to that incident with the missing club president. "I don't think I can handle this type of thing again."

Yuki handed me three pills, and said, "Take these."

I was confused for a moment, but then she continued.

"Each of you should take one each. That will reduce the effect of the shock you will endure."

I handed a pill to Koizumi and Mikuru, who thankfully swallowed them.

"So, what is this?" I asked. "Some kind of radiation immunity pill?"

"It's basically a mild sedative," she explained. "The effects of the wormhole will be rather profound to your human senses. Without this precaution, you would experience severe nausea and possibly even lose consciousness."

"Wow," I said, taking the pill and swallowing it. "I'm really not looking forward to this."

"None for me?" Haruhi asked Yuki.

"Please try to focus on our objective," Yuki told her. "Before we enter the alternate space, you should be aware that where we are heading is the outer domain of the Data Integration Thought Entity."

"So," Haruhi concluded, "we're going to meet the big boss?"

At this point, Yuki held out her hand in a gesture I remember from many of my nightmares, and we then entered my closet. My initial impression was of standing over a vast nothingness next to a monstrously large swirling of dark clouds.

"I have made preparations for your entry," Yuki continued. "That is all you will need to focus on. I will lead the way along with Koizumi. We will make sure the way is clear of any obstructing spaces. Miss Suzumiya will follow us. Kyon, you and Miss Asahina will follow Miss Suzumiya and provide the support structure Koizumi will need to keep his power in the proper shape and size. You will need to concentrate. Any serious deviation could result in our losing the way."

Koizumi produced his ball of energy, marveling that he could create one larger than he expected.

"Meanwhile," Haruhi commented, "I'll be freaking out."

"You will probably experience a sensation of elation due to your higher-level nature," Yuki informed her. "However, I repeat that you must all concentrate on following so that we will reach our goal."

"Probably..." Haruhi noticed.

"I'm starting to feel a little dizzy and light-headed," I said.

"That's good," Yuki stated. "It means the time of our preparation is concluded. Now, we must go."

The next thing I can remember, I was panting like I had just run a marathon, and we were all before what appeared to be massive streams of light. The immense amount of light seemed to drown out my view of everything else.

"I'm so glad that's over," I said, momentarily flashing back to the feeling of what it was like to go through the wormhole. Mikuru shut her eyes and trembled. I then stated, "I guess time travel can't compare to wormhole travel."

"It's nothing alike," Mikuru softly admitted.

"Yeah, I remember," I said.

Haruhi pointed toward what I could now see was a massive ring of stars and asked, "So, is that the way in?"

"The way will open shortly," Yuki replied.

"Do I need to be in this thing?" Haruhi asked, gesturing at the orb she was still contained in.

"No," Yuki said.

Koizumi's large red ball of energy then immediately vanished, and he said, "Whew! That was rough."

"So, is there anything special I need to know?" Haruhi asked. "I don't want to be responsible for starting an intergalactic war, or something."

"There is not," Yuki replied.

"I kind of feel like I'm on the verge of another great journey," Haruhi added.

"As long as we have some time," Koizumi said, "I'd like to ask a few questions, if I may?"

"Oh, sure," Haruhi replied. "Go ahead."

"The others said that you were dead," he commented. "Is that true?"

"Yes, it is," she replied.

"How exactly did you die?" Koizumi asked her. "Do you know?"

"Huh," Haruhi said, taking a moment to think, apparently. "You know, I really can't remember. Weird."

"That is weird," Koizumi agreed.

"Are you sure you don't remember?" I asked her. "Maybe it was just some strange circumstances."

"Well," Haruhi began, smoothly replying to my question, "I know I was dead because I can remember seeing myself from outside my body. I think I was in a hospital lying in a bed, but..."

"But what?" I asked.

"That's what's weird," Haruhi said with some difficulty. "It didn't look like any kind of hospital I can remember seeing. It was also really cold. I'm not sure how I knew it was cold, but that was the sensation I remember most. That, and how strange that place was where my body was lying."

Mikuru had finally recovered enough to comment, "How awful."

"No kidding," Haruhi said. "I have a memory of most everything that happened up to that moment, but that moment when I first realized I was dead is really fuzzy."

"Perhaps you will come to understand," Yuki suggested.

"I sure hope so," Haruhi said.

"One more question?" Koizumi asked.

"Okay."

"Have you ever met Kyon's sister?"

Haruhi and I both looked a little surprised at that question. Me, because I have no memory of such a person, and Haruhi for whatever reason she had. She then supplied, "Oh yeah. Hey, I didn't see her. Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Koizumi replied. "I was just curious if you had met her."

"I'm pretty sure we met the first time at the baseball tournament," Haruhi added.

"Really?" Koizumi asked.

"Yeah," Haruhi replied. "I remember that pretty clearly."

"Haruhi," I said, "I think there's something you should know."

"What is it?" she asked.

"I don't seem to have a sister in this world," I stated, not quite sure why I added the "seem to" part.

"Really?" she asked. "That's too bad. She's actually pretty nice."

"The portal is opening," Yuki informed her.

"Time to go, guys," Haruhi told us. "I'll see you around."

Haruhi then floated off toward the ring of stars.

"Well..." Koizumi said.

"What?" I asked, already feeling apprehensive about the answer.

"I really hate to say this," he admitted, "but we should go too."

"Back through the wormhole?" I asked.

"That's right," he replied. "Unless you'd rather stay here." 


	18. Chapter 18

- Chapter 9: Free Time

When the mind blacks out, there's usually a good reason for it. In this case, I had completely forgotten the full effect of traveling through the wormhole. Now that I had already experienced it, I think my mind simply gave up trying to hide it and just permitted me to remember every last detail this time around.

For those of you who are into thrills or just enjoy being insanely suicidal, here's a good recipe: take a really long rope across a high gorge and run across it while only using your arms for balance. If you have any brains at all, you'll hopefully be wearing a safety harness, although it probably would detract from the sheer insane thrill of it. Now imagine doing something about twice as exciting as that, and you've pretty much got my impression of traveling through a wormhole. Suffice it to say, it isn't pleasant.

We emerged from my closet, exhausted again. I was about to curl up into a fetal position on my bed, but Koizumi just stood, slightly out of breath as if this sort of thing was nothing out of the ordinary. Damn him.

"Oh, thank God it's over!" I exclaimed, as Mikuru again shut her eyes and trembled.

Koizumi lightly touched his forehead in a gesture I recall he sometimes uses to indicate some weird kind of thought process. "When Miss Nagato called that Suzumiya a higher-level being," he stated, "she meant higher-level in the same sense as the inside of my sphere." He then proceeded to touch his nose as he said, "So, the inside of my sphere is a domain of data equivalent to a psyche emanation?"

"Correct," Yuki informed him, as the doorbell suddenly rang.

I sprang from my bed and went downstairs to the foyer. When I answered the door, I was once again unsurprised to see our Earthly Haruhi.

"Oh!" Haruhi said, surprised. "About time you answered the door." She then entered.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," I told her, "but it's nice to see you."

"Yeah. Yeah." she answered. "Where are the others?"

"We all went up to my room to play a little game," I replied.

"Jeez," she whined. "Must be nice to have so much free time."

"I'm not really the academic failure you seem to think I am," I said, a little defensively.

"That's good to hear," she said, handing me a booklet. "Here. This is your handbook."

The others came downstairs, as I examined the booklet. "You've got us working a temp job in an office?" I asked. "How on Earth did you swing that?"

"A friend of a friend," she said, smirking. "Forget about it." She then looked up at the others and said, "Hey, everybody. Did you have fun?"

"We had a wonderful time," Koizumi said, very sincerely. "Thanks for suggesting this."

I have to admit, some masochistic part of me enjoyed the journey too. You won't ever see me suggesting we do it again, though.

"Make sure you read that," Haruhi warned me. "I don't want to have to cover for you."

"You sure that isn't my line?" I casually asked.

Haruhi took a good look at Mikuru and asked her, "What are you so nervous about?" Mikuru, of course, was still trembling a little from the effect of the wormhole. "You weren't playing something perverted, were you?" Haruhi then asked me.

"You must have some imagination," I commented.

"I was too busy to have fun like you guys," she complained. "Not only did I find a job, but I... Wait, why the hell am I telling you guys about that?"

"That?" Koizumi wondered.

"Some guy she's trying to get even with," I informed him.

"That's right," Haruhi barked at me. "Tell the whole world, why don't you?"

"Why not?" I asked. "I'm good enough to help you threaten a black belt, but we're not good enough to hear about it?"

"A black belt?" she said, a little surprised at this information. "Okay, I'm impressed."

"You should be," I told her.

"Well, Mr. Black Belt was a sobbing bowl of pudding by the time I finished with him," Haruhi added. "Yeah, I don't think he'll be bothering me again." Haruhi looked rather smug at this turn in the conversation.

"Sounds to me like you had some fun, yourself," Koizumi observed.

"I should tell you guys about it, some time," Haruhi said. "I think I'll leave a few parts out, though."

"Like the part where you humiliated yourself?" I asked her.

"No," she answered before she could think, then said, "I mean, there's no need to go making up stories about me."

"Making up stories?" I asked, amused with myself.

"There's a lesson to learn in all this, Kyon," she said softly. "Don't go messing with me, or you'll regret it."

"Sorry," I said, still a little amused, "I forgot who I was talking to."

- Fin 


	19. Chapter 19

- And now, for your further amusement...

* * *

Anecdote #1 (a nonexistent conversation):

Proofreader: Okay...

Author: What?

Proofreader: This... "like sweet candy on the tongue of my mind"?

Author: Something wrong with it?

Proofreader: It's freaking cornball.

Author: It's very classic '50s style.

Proofreader: Yeah, if by '50s you mean it stinks.

Author: Look, it's not my favorite style either, but it's very Kyon. He's loves the similes.

Proofreader: Really?

Author: You've never noticed?

Proofreader: Like puffy clouds soaring high above my ability to give a crap...

* * *

Anecdote #2 (a nonexistent conversation):

Proofreader: (shaking his head) That band scene...

Author: I know. Much as I like it, it doesn't really work.

Proofreader: You've been watching way too much K-On, lately.

* * *

Anecdote #3 (a nonexistent conversation):

Author: So, how's it going?

Proofreader: I fleshed out that dream sequence, filled in a few spots for dialogue that you'd left blank, shortened a few conversations...

Author: You work on chapter 7, yet?

Proofreader: Oh, right. That Koizumi-Kyon back-and-forth was desperately lacking in the proper callbacks. I took the liberty of adding a bit onto that. Oh, and that awkward Yuki-Kyon moment needed some serious polish. What the hell was that?

Author: It was a pretty rough chapter, but seriously?

Proofreader: And all that defensive posturing by Koizumi didn't really strike me as in-character, so I cut that. And I like chapter 4, but I did cut the Sparta joke.

Author: You cut my Sparta joke?

Proofreader: Yeah, it wasn't all that funny.

Author: Well, I guess you're right about that. I notice you made Kyon into a mad, last-minute homework-doing freak.

Proofreader: I might have gotten a little autobiographical there, but it seemed like a callback to Endless Eight.

Author: Endless Eight in itself was a mad rip-off of a Star Trek episode that struck me as that author's last-minute desperate attempt to pad out a novel.

Proofreader: Not to mention it was a fan favorite.

Author: Stupid fans. Writing would be so much more fulfilling if we didn't need readers.

Proofreader: Oh, I also cut the epilogue and rewrote chapter 9. I hope you don't mind.

Author: It's a wonder you haven't written the third volume for me, yet.

Proofreader: Oh, can I? I'm almost positive I know what's going to happen.

Author: ...

* * *

Anecdote #4 (a nonexistent conversation):

Author: All right. Since you offered, you can do part B of the next volume. Here's the treatment.

Proofreader: Now, we're talking... (about a minute later) Dude, what the f-?

Author: So, what do you think?

Proofreader: Well, two things. Number one, this ain't even close to what I imagined, and number two...

Author: Yes?

Proofreader: Full steam ahead on the Yuki-Kyon thing?

Author: Sorry, but I am a big believer in wrapping up my loose ends.

Proofreader: This is... Dude, I want some of what you were smoking when you came up with this.

Author: So, what did you imagine?

Proofreader: I thought you were going to do some Matrix thing, but... "Attack of the Clones"? Seriously?

Author: (laughing) That's just a working title. I haven't quite settled on a real title.

Proofreader: Well, this is great. So, can I start with chapter 5?

Author: Start with 6. Yeah, sorry. I'm saving that for myself. Nice try, though.

Proofreader: Damn. Oh well, that would have been sweet.

Author: Any other questions?

Proofreader: Yeah. About this note at the bottom: "I have no idea how Haruhi manages to show up in chapter 7."

Author: Well, that's what writers do. You use your imagination.

Proofreader: I'm starting to understand why you have so much trouble with chapter 7 in these things.

Author: They have been pretty brutal, huh? Well, good luck.

Proofreader: ...

* * *

The band scene (from chapter 7):

Koizumi: I'm wondering what Miss Suzumiya has planned for us. I heard it involved starting a band?

Kyon: Yeah, I recall her mentioning that.

Koizumi: So, what do you think? Could the five of us actually put together a band?

Kyon: Now that you mention it, I don't think so. I mean, Miss Nagato could probably play something, but what would the rest of us do?

Koizumi: I don't think it would be that difficult.

Kyon: Really?

Koizumi: Yeah... (thinking for a moment) I could see you picking up the drums. It isn't really that hard. If I had a little free time, I might start putting some serious effort into a rhythm guitar. All we'd need is for Miss Asahina to take up something like the bass, and we'd be set to go.

Mikuru: You really think we could do that?

Koizumi: Something tells me it wouldn't be as easy as all that, but it could work out with enough time and attention.

Mikuru: I'm sorry guys, but please leave me out of that.

Kyon: Yeah, I think it may be a bit of a stretch to include Miss Asahina.

Koizumi: Oh, all right. But you know that if Miss Suzumiya ever starts getting serious about that idea, it will most likely fall out that way. I'm fairly certain she will insist on including you.

Mikuru: Oh no...

Kyon: So, do you think it would succeed or fail?

Koizumi: What? Our band? I think... given the right influences and some preparation, we could maybe avoid being a spectacular failure. I'm not too confident we'd succeed, but it would be better than doing another movie.

Kyon: Except that we are going to do another movie.

Koizumi: (scowling) Don't tell me that.

Kyon: I know. I can hardly believe it, myself.

* * *

The reconciliation scene (from the proposed epilogue):

Koizumi: Now that we've cleared the air a bit, I think we'll have a lot to say to each other from now on.

Kyon: You really think so?

Koizumi: I'm much more confident that we can work as a group, and I see a little more clearly why Miss Suzumiya chose you in the first place.

Kyon: ...

Koizumi: Now, don't look at me like that. I'm being serious. So, why not?

Kyon: I have a question, then.

Koizumi: Go right ahead.

Kyon: You have a closed space recently?

Koizumi: As a matter of fact, we had a pretty big one a couple days ago.

Kyon: Was it at night or earlier?

Koizumi: Well... I wasn't the first one at the scene, but it pretty much popped up right after the meeting.

Kyon: And the previous week?

Koizumi: (scowling) We had a few, but they vanished as soon as they appeared. I think it had something to do with that slider version of Miss Suzumiya.

Kyon: Interesting.

Koizumi: I've been mulling over a few theories, but I can't make any sense out of them.

Kyon: Maybe you're too close to the problem.

Koizumi: Maybe I am. What's weird is it seems like there's a simple solution just out of reach. Like I can't quite see it, but I know when I do I'm going to say, "Oh, wow! That's so obvious. Why didn't I realize?"

Kyon: Okay. Let me take a shot at it.

Koizumi: All right. Now, we're getting somewhere.

Kyon: Did you have a closed space open up last night?

Koizumi: No, but we did have a lurker suddenly make a big spike.

Kyon: A lurker?

Koizumi: Oh, that's our term for a small, hidden closed space. We run into those a lot, but they usually spring up in the early evening. This one showed up in the middle of the night and went right back to hiding.

Kyon: Yeah, that sounds about right.

Koizumi: What? You think you may be onto something?

Kyon: It's contact.

Koizumi: Contact? Between who?

Kyon: You have to ask? (smirking) Between myself and Miss Suzumiya.

Koizumi: Whoa! That's just not possible!

Kyon: Think about it. Every time you say you had a closed space, there was always some incident where Miss Suzumiya and I came into some kind of physical contact. The more physical the contact, the more dramatic and large your closed space is.

Koizumi: But... (shaking his head) That can't be right.

Kyon: It fits pretty well, as far as I can see.

Koizumi: So, you're saying that closed spaces are correlated to your physical contact with Miss Suzumiya?

Kyon: No. I'm saying there's a direct cause-and-effect relationship.

Koizumi: There's a lot of problems with that hypothesis.

Kyon: For example?

Koizumi: (thinks for a moment) Well... I guess the real problem with it is I just don't like it.

Kyon: Let me know if you come up with something better than this or at least better than that subconscious angst therapy nonsense.

Koizumi: Damn it.

* * *

The Haruhi talks about Yuki's apartment scene (from the proposed epilogue):

Haruhi: Just us?

Mikuru: I'm afraid so.

Haruhi: Figures. The moment I actually want to start a blog, Kyon is nowhere to be found.

Mikuru: I hope you don't mind, but I really need to get home early.

Haruhi: Family problems?

Mikuru: No, I just remembered something I needed to study.

Haruhi: (sighing) That's fine, Mikuru. I need to get out of here early, myself. Can't miss my first day.

Mikuru: Oh, right. You have that five-to-nine temp job.

Haruhi: I need to show up early, but I still have some time to kill.

Mikuru: Maybe I could make some tea...

Haruhi: You do that. (sits at the computer) How the heck...?

Mikuru: Yes?

Haruhi: Never mind. Stupid Kyon. (folds her arms and scowls) Hey Mikuru, you ever been to Yuki's place?

Mikuru: Um, yes.

Haruhi: Really? So, what did you think?

Mikuru: It's really surprising.

Haruhi: Yeah. Her apartment wasn't at all what I expected.

Mikuru: ...

Haruhi: I'd been hearing a lot about Yuki lately, and it reminded me that I don't recall ever seeing what her place was like. (shaking her head) You know, a place sure tells you a lot about the people who live there.

Mikuru: So, what did you think?

Haruhi: Me? (thinks for a moment) I guess I just don't have the guts to really express myself like that. I mean, I knew she was a weirdo bookworm, but I never realized what an otaku she is.

Mikuru: You really think so?

Haruhi: Don't you?

Mikuru: (softly) I guess I'm not really sure what I think.

Haruhi: Well, the main room seemed normal enough aside from that huge TV, the video games, the huge stacks of books, magazines, models, figures...

Mikuru: Are you sure that was Miss Nagato's apartment?

Haruhi: Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm positive. What are you talking about? Anyway, we go into her bedroom and-my God-books, magazines, video games, dirty laundry... The posters all over the walls... I think the most impressive thing was all the trash lying around.

Mikuru: Trash?

Haruhi: Old newspapers, snack wrappers, little plastic bags... I couldn't find a single spot of bare floor. I'm not even kidding.

Mikuru: I... don't recall that.

Haruhi: Yeah, I doubt you've ever been in that bedroom of hers. You know what the most surprising thing was?

Mikuru: (softly) I have no idea.

Haruhi: All the porno games. I think she has a bookshelf that goes from floor to ceiling that's just filled with stuff like that.

Mikuru: (brings out some tea) Here you go.

Haruhi: Is Yuki even human? No way a normal girl would have any of that... (about to sip some tea) At least, that's what I think. I mean, I think I would die if anyone saw my room, and I keep it pretty neat.

Mikuru: You know, now that I think about it, Kyon did ask Miss Nagato to fix her place up a bit.

Haruhi: He did? When was that?

Mikuru: Just a couple days ago.

Haruhi: Wow... So, it actually looked worse than that?

Mikuru: It... In a way, it did. 


	20. The Perplexing of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Perplexing of Haruhi Suzumiya

* * *

"A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself." - Guildenstern, from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard

* * *

- Chapter 1: Something Weird

Since the very beginning, I've found that the SOS Brigade harbors a lot of well-hidden sentimentality. We may not admit it, but we feel closer than most. For example, I recall having a "dream" where I was seized by an unnatural impulse to kiss Haruhi Suzumiya. Call it an act of desperation or a matter of life or death. The result was still a visible reaction from her. I recall distinctly her attempt to make the beloved pony tail I had told her about appear again, though that was most likely just an unconscious impulse on her part.

Conscious or not, we have these sentiments, and we definitely take a lot of pride in the way we are esteemed. This is especially true for Miss Suzumiya, who practically lives or dies by how others react to her every whim. Not surprisingly, she recently told me that she wanted the world to be made more aware of these whims, which basically meant that she wanted me to install a blogging application on the club's computer. For once, I had to applaud her decision (as I seem to recall making the suggestion myself), although had I known then what I know now I'd have probably just unplugged the damn thing.

"No, that's no good," I told myself, not really liking some of the features I was looking at.

"Oh, there you are," Miss Mikuru Asahina said, pleasantly surprised to see me. Why she was surprised, I have no idea. She entered the club room, apparently curious about my frowning and mouse-clicking.

"Hey there, Miss Asahina," I said.

"Hello," she said. "So, what are you doing?"

"Just getting a blog up and running," I casually informed her.

"Oh, okay," she answered. "That's great."

"Something on your mind?" I asked, not recognizing this air of strange impatience and nervousness in her.

"Yeah," she replied. "Sorry, but I really can't stay for a meeting." She then turned to leave and was halfway to the door before she returned. "Oh, could you wear that necklace again?" she softly asked me.

"Sorry, what?" I said, not sure I heard her clearly.

"You know," she explained, "those necklaces Miss Suzumiya gave to us that one day."

"Oh..." I answered, thinking back to a few weeks ago. "I'm afraid I tossed it out."

"You threw it away?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said, "it was ugly and I'm not overly attached to stuff like that."

"I really wish you hadn't done that," she commented, wringing her hands with some mysterious irritation.

"What's the big deal?" I asked her. "It was just an ugly necklace."

Mikuru took her school bag and went through it, searching for her necklace. She quickly found it and handed it to me.

"Please," she said.

"You want me to wear yours?" I guessed, taking the necklace and verifying that it was the hideous necklace made by Haruhi.

"If you would," Mikuru told me. "I'd be very grateful."

When Mikuru practically begs me to do something, how can I possibly say no? I immediately put on the thing and said, "Well, if you put it like that."

"Thank you so much," she said, very sincerely, while also leaving in a rush.

I tucked the necklace under my shirt and muttered, "That was weird." I then sighed and went back to work, looking for another app I could try out.

"Hey, Kyon," Itsuki Koizumi said, suddenly entering the club room. "What's got Miss Asahina in a rush?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Something weird, no doubt."

"Yeah, no doubt," he agreed in his usual half-cheerful way. "Is Miss Nagato around?"

"No," I said, wondering why he'd want to speak with her.

"Any particular reason?" he asked me. "I mean, unless it's a big secret."

He was still clearly chafing at the thought of my showing any interest in Yuki, and I gave him a look that indicated my annoyance with his stubbornness.

"Sorry," he answered, grimacing, "I guess I still have an issue with that situation."

"No," I replied to his earlier question. "No particular reason, other than the fact that there's no club meeting today. Just me, working on getting a blog going."

"Well, that's a relief," he said. "I guess I'll see you around." He immediately started to leave, but then turned and said, "Sorry for interrupting, but did Miss Suzumiya give you any hints about what we're doing this weekend?"

"Something to do with clones," I very casually replied. "She kept talking about it in class, so I told her to go research it. No sense going ahead with some half-baked plan that only slightly makes any sense."

"How very level-headed of you," he remarked.

"She did mention something about a morning meeting on Sunday," I added.

"Great," he said. "Well, thanks a lot."

"No problem," I answered.

Koizumi seemed about to leave, but he kept having a puzzled expression until he finally realized, then asked me, "Wait, are you actually wearing that necklace?"

"Yeah," I replied, "it's the weirdest thing. Miss Asahina told me to wear this."

"Did she explain why?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "Just said that she would be 'very grateful' if I did. So, on it goes."

"Oh, I see," he said. "Well, see you later."

Having all these interruptions gave me a flash of insight that I needed to decide between a few features of the apps I was considering, and I spent a few moments trying an app out. As I was doing that, I noticed that Yuki Nagato had silently entered the room.

"Oh, hey there, Nagato," I said. "What is it?"

Having done a few, preliminary tests, I put aside the matter of the blog and got up to more personally address Yuki. If I had stayed at the computer, she probably would have just stood near the door and waited.

"When are you free?" she asked me in her usual mechanical way.

"I'm free right now if it's something important," I answered, actually hoping it was something important.

To my surprise, she smirked and said, "There is nothing out of the ordinary. I just need your opinion."

"Well, then," I said, answering her smirk with my own. "I'll be right over as soon as I get this blog sorted out."

"Take your time," she softly stated.

"This shouldn't take long," I added. 


	21. Chapter 21

- Chapter 2: The Invitation

Lately, I've started to realize that all my fretting about Yuki and her ominous messages was really just my own apprehensions finding a convenient target to settle on, and I've also started to feel a kind of soothing familiarity with the fact that she really is just a friendly girl who makes a point of looking out for me.

I've also started to realize that there are these odd moments when it seems like a scene that has been rehearsed or like I'm finding myself saying things that weren't really originating from the real me. In the end, I would come to realize that these odd moments were just that. Odd moments. I think I have an attitude that encourages these things to happen, and it frequently gets me into those kind of situations that are a little jarring.

I learned recently that Yuki had been doing some renovations to her apartment, and after my initial shock wore off, I began helping her tone down her fixes. In fact, I think I'd have been happy with just some nice curtains over the main window. I realized that I'd been sitting with my back to the window without really noticing, but now I felt inclined to sit more normally.

As I entered her apartment, I braced myself for a shock and was pleasantly surprised that she had kept the bright and vivid colors to a minimum, this time. All the otaku-style features had now been replaced with a more traditional, sensible layout. I should mention that I have nothing against otakus, but I don't really relate to them either, especially after dealing with Haruhi (who has a lot of otaku tendencies).

"Hello," I said.

"Welcome," she answered, as I made my way to the table to sit across from her.

"Thanks," I said, looking around. "Okay, this looks a lot better. I think you may be getting the hang of this."

I should add at this point that the features combined in a way to create a kind of feeling of hushed anticipation. Thus, I began speaking a bit more softly than I would usually. I think she picked up on this and toned her voice down a notch or two from her normal amplitude.

"I removed those lighting fixtures that seemed to be bothering you," she flatly stated.

"You did?" I asked, only noticing because she pointed it out. "That's good."

I took another good, long look around. At this point, I think most people would be impressed by the feeling of purpose and practicality it conveyed.

"Yeah," I added, "this looks nice."

"You think so?" she asked, pouring me some tea.

I just then noticed that she had the teapot out, and I gratefully accepted the cup as she offered it. "Thanks," I said.

"I worked on the bedroom, as well," she added.

"Okay," I acknowledged, thinking about how bad that had looked before. I was very curious to see how far that had improved, but some feeling of caution flared up in me as I thought about it.

"I did some shopping," Yuki softly continued, "but I only found a few things on that list."

"That's fine," I said, approving while taking a sip. "This is a lot of progress for one week."

"Thank you," she said, still monotone.

I smiled and dismissed her thanks, "It's enough to know that you care about my opinion."

"I don't want you to feel uneasy," she explained.

"I could probably tolerate anything," I assured her, "but I am pretty picky about my personal preferences."

Having said that, I started to realize that this was exactly the kind of thing that I had imagined I would talk about with a girlfriend. Thinking of Yuki as a girlfriend was a bit of a shock, but I also realized that I wanted to think of her as a girlfriend.

As if reading my mind, she asked, "So, how was your week?"

"It was great," I replied. "Couldn't have been better."

"You didn't mind the extra work in addition to your studies?" she wondered.

I smiled and answered, "Unlike Miss Suzumiya, I came to my work well-prepared. I even earned a letter of commendation."

"Is that good?"

"It's better than the scolding Miss Suzumiya got."

As I sat there sipping my tea and wondering why Nagato was using such ordinary verbiage, it dawned on me that all this renovation had been my idea. I had just casually mentioned how she should fix the place up to better accommodate people like Miss Asahina or the occasional Suzumiya specter. I hadn't seriously thought that she would spend a Sunday actually attempting to follow my advice. I was at once filled with a small amount of pride at having been the one to suggest it and a bit more embarrassment that I was its primary beneficiary.

"So," I asked, "is there anything you want to do?" I very much hoped she would have a suggestion, because it was starting to get painful, how much I felt indebted to her.

"Are you going to the meeting tomorrow?" she asked flatly.

I quickly but casually warded away that thought. "I don't think so," I answered. "Nothing good will come of that, I'm sure."

"So," she concluded, "you will be free tomorrow evening at five?"

"Something you want to do then?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, "there's a movie I'd like to see."

"That sounds good," I said. "It's been a while since I've seen a good movie. So, what's playing?"

"It's a period drama," she said.

"A samurai flick?"

"It's a highly metaphorical story set in a violent period of your history."

"Okay. Well, I was just curious. I don't recall ever seeing something like that in a theater."

"If it's okay, I'd like your opinion of my bedroom."

"Yeah..." I acknowledged her. "I think I'd better not."

"I've removed everything that could be offensive," she flatly stated.

"That's not what I'm worried about," I flatly stated.

Once again, the feeling of caution flared up in me, and I recognized that it was my own growing desire to fulfill whatever she was planning to task of me. I really didn't want to do something I would later regret.

"I guess," I explained, "what I'm trying to say is that I'm really impressed, but I don't know if I'm ready to be that impressed."

"You don't trust your own instincts?" she interpreted.

"Yeah," I answered, smiling. "You really have a way of clearly stating things."

"That's fine," she said. "Any time you change your mind, feel free to ask."

"Thanks," I softly replied. "I appreciate the invitation. And thanks again for the tea."

For several moments, I felt like getting up and leaving, but the feeling of invitation was still hanging in the air like a lingering smell of food. The design and arrangement of the room itself was fascinating me, and I had to admit that this improvement was puzzling.

"What happened here?" I wondered.

Yuki then looked at me with some bland expression of anticipation that I don't recall seeing before, which was a kind of an invitation in itself, so I collected my thoughts.

"I mean," I explained, "how was it so different before? You've never read about interior design?"

"It was not in my programming," she replied.

"So," I asked, "you didn't know about interior design?"

"That is not what I said," she plainly stated. "The collection of data you refer to is completely separate from my ability to deploy its usage."

As I pondered this mystery, I started to wonder what really made Nagato tick.

She seemed to sense what I was thinking, and she added, "This interface is programmed for all duties of data units, and has several layers of data filters and translators. The application of undefined transactions takes a certain reprogramming, and there are difficulties in its implementation."

I smiled and said, "Okay. I see." I pondered for a moment about how I should approach this subject, then asked, "So, by reprogramming, you mean you had to teach yourself how to decorate?"

"Correct," she acknowledged.

"I'm starting to understand," I said, thinking about all the odd behavior I had seen from her. This seemed to explain the odd variations in her word choices. What was really nagging at me for some time was that kiss on the cheek she had given me. I think now it started to dawn on me exactly how that had happened. I think Yuki herself has instincts, which her "programming" generally controls. Every now and then, she might feel prompted to unlearn those controls for one reason or another. Given a space for relearning, she would attempt it with varying levels of success.

In other words, she's basically no different from an ordinary human. 


	22. Chapter 22

- Chapter 3: Getting Along

As I started to return home, I sat at a bench in the park and mulled over things that seemed to me like they needed a park bench to sort out. The idea of Yuki basically being human started me to think about all the little things I had witnessed Yuki doing, and not just recently. There were, of course, those oddly human quirks I had noticed like the occasional itch scratching, a slight sneeze, and even just blinking her eyes. She definitely didn't seem mechanical in the way she walked, which was really the most human thing about her. Actually, now that I thought about it, Haruhi seemed more stiff and robotic than Yuki in that category. I can't imagine Yuki in a karaoke contest, but that's probably more a matter of conditioning (what she would call programming) than a serious limitation.

"What the heck am I doing?" I asked myself.

I don't normally fixate on people like this, but then Yuki isn't exactly an ordinary person. Not everyone has to climb a wall of conditioning just to interact with others, and the words people use don't tend to be so strange and technical. Underneath all that, however, was a girl with warm skin, a heartbeat, and an unmistakable breathing that bespoke a human being. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

"Did you see him?" a familiar voice asked, somewhere nearby.

I looked around and saw Mikuru, and then saw another Mikuru moving in my direction. They didn't seem to see me, because they kept speaking in a tense tone of voice.

"No," said the other one. "He's not anywhere in the park."

"Oh jeez, this is bad."

"Calm down. We just have to think."

I emerged from my shadowy bench and asked them, "Looking for me?"

"Kyon?" said the second one.

"Wait a sec," said the first. "Kyon, you still have my necklace?"

"This thing?" I asked, taking out the necklace. "Yeah. See?"

"Okay."

"So, where is...?"

The first Mikuru made a gesture, and the other stopped suddenly.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sorry," the first Mikuru said, "but it's classified."

"What's the point?" said the other. "We're in big trouble no matter what happens."

"You're including me? What did I do?"

"You know I can't talk about that in front of Kyon."

"Should I leave?" I asked, mildly amused by this odd conversation.

"Please don't," the first Mikuru answered. "We just need to have a private conversation, first."

"I'll be on that bench," I said, "till you feel comfortable explaining what you want from me."

I went back to my bench to ponder this mystery, but I was interrupted shortly by the approach of Haruhi. She casually greeted me and sat next to me without bothering to ask for an invitation. The Mikurus, who had been disputing with each other softly, quickly hid from Haruhi's line of sight.

"Hey, Miss Suzumiya," I said.

She muttered something, then added, "God! What a day."

"Something the matter?" I asked her.

"I'm having the worst day," she complained. "Would you believe I got chewed out again?"

"You still haven't wrapped up that mix up?" I asked, thinking about all the turmoil she had created back during our short stint at some office.

"Huh?" she said. "No, that was cleared up. And that wasn't my fault, either. No, this time they're trying to pin some file arrangement screw up on me. I just explained to them for the tenth time that I never touched those files."

"Ouch. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. That supervisor really pisses me off. I think he gets off on yelling at me."

I think this was the point in the conversation where Haruhi had left me an open door for breaking news or for just making random observations. At the time, I was kind of caught up in her pace, but I can see that things might have gone very differently had I simply changed the topic to something a little more personal. Haruhi has that effect on me, though. Once I get caught up in her ideas, it's pretty much inevitable that I see them through to some kind of conclusion.

"Well, you did kind of invite that attitude," I told her.

"What?" she said. "What did I ever do to him?"

Poor Haruhi. I sighed, actually feeling sorry for her, that she couldn't figure this out herself. "I think you tried to do too much all at once," I replied. "You should have been better organized to begin with."

"You mean I didn't work efficiently enough?" she asked, rejecting my assertion. "Who got all their tasks done first?"

"Yeah," I admitted, "but you neglected to tell anyone before the project due date came up."

"Is that my problem?" she said, scoffing at the idea of a mere clerk doing management duties.

"You also didn't make a good impression with your work area," I added.

"Excuse me for not being a neat freak!" she whined. "I did what I was tasked to do, and better than you I might add. I should be rewarded, not punished."

"You see," I said. "Right there is your problem."

"What?" she said, seriously annoyed.

"In business," I explained, "it's all about being a team player. You have to get along."

Haruhi clutched at her head and groaned. "Not that again," she said. "I think I've heard that expression a million times, now."

This whole discussion was ridiculous. After having harped on it for such a long time as the brigade chief, the topic of being a team player could not be new to Haruhi. I guess she really only cares about being a team player when she's the one who leads. Speaking of leading, I doubt she had done an adequate job of that, either.

"Have you researched that clone project?" I asked her.

"No," she replied. "Well, I did find some books on the subject. I'm going to skim them tonight. I really should be doing that."

"Must be rough," I said, sympathizing.

"Could you help me out?" she sincerely asked me.

"You sure you want my help?" I warned.

At that, she frowned and stood up, saying, "Yeah, now that you mention it, I really should do this myself. I'll see you later."

"See you," I said.

"Don't be late," she warned me, then promptly left.

The Mikurus then reappeared from out of the shadows. "So, can we talk now?" I asked them.

"Sorry, Kyon," said the first one. "We really shouldn't bother you with our problems. Please just try to forget you saw us."

"Fine," I answered. "Whatever you say." 


	23. Chapter 23

- Chapter 4: A Self-Centered Conversation

Given all these clues, I'd have to be pretty dense not to know in a small way at least what was going on. The mere fact that Haruhi had mentioned clones had put me on the alert against bumping into myself. The fact that there were two Mikurus looking for someone and using the horrid necklace I was wearing as a sign of some kind told me that my preparations for that event were going to soon be tested.

When I had come home, I confirmed all this to my satisfaction as I entered the living room and saw someone identical to myself sitting there, watching TV. He looked as bored as I felt, and that was my first real confirmation, not being as familiar with the way I look as much as how I feel.

"Oh," I said, "there you are."

"Sorry, I let myself in," he answered. "I hope you don't mind."

"It's no big deal," I answered very casually. "Do what you want."

"I knew you were going to say that," he added.

I went and sat nearby, rubbing my neck. "I ran into the Mikurus," I informed him.

He was momentarily startled and asked, "They were looking for me?"

"Yeah," I replied, "what's that about?"

"I really have no idea," he said.

"Is it anything worth the bother of worrying about?" I asked.

"Oh sure," he admitted, "but I don't see how it's my problem."

"How very calm and contented of me," I observed.

"Yeah, we are," he stated. "Aren't we? You know, if everybody in the world was like us there wouldn't be any problems in the world."

"Somehow," I answered, "the thought of living in a world of clones of myself doesn't really appeal to me."

"You're right about that," he agreed, "although I don't really think I'm a clone."

"So, what are you?" I asked him.

"I think I'm the original you," he replied, "or you're a kind of revision of me if you prefer."

"How do you figure that?" I asked him.

"Well..." he answered. "For example, you have no memory of little sister, right?"

"Yeah, weird," I replied.

"See," he said, "so I think I'm probably more the real me than you."

"Well, if you want to be self-centered about it," I told him. "The fact is, however, that this world doesn't remember my little sister either, whoever that person is supposed to be."

"Sad, isn't it?" he commented.

"Yeah," I agreed. "How exactly did that happen?"

"I'm not sure," he replied, "but I think it has something to do with time travel."

That seemed obvious enough, given the way the Mikurus were acting. I added, "Yeah, and the way I figure it, you must be from the future."

"I was there briefly," he said, "but they really didn't want me there."

"They think you belong here?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "I think they just don't like me."

I think at this point I can relate to what the Mikurus must have been going through for at least a few hours today. I also had the brief thought that it's probably like this for Yuki at times, even without ever bumping into herself.

"So..." I asked, "Are you supposed to be doing something?"

"Yeah, but it's no big deal," he answered. "I'm going to blow it off and hang out here."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "It's like I'm talking to a mirror," I added.

"No kidding," he said. "Eerie..."

"Oh, that reminds me," I started, taking out the necklace and tossing it to the other me.

"What's this?" he asked.

"You don't recognize that?" I prompted.

"Should I?" he answered. "Oh jeez, Haruhi made this, right?"

"Bingo," I replied. "And Mikuru begged me to wear it so that she could find you."

"Oh," he smoothly stated, "I see where this is headed."

"Yeah..." I said, a little surprised he picked up so quickly on what I was thinking.

He put on the necklace and said, "Well, have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Thanks," I answered, not completely sure I really needed to. 


	24. Chapter 24

- Chapter 5: Natural Selection

Since Nagato had invited me before, I now returned to her apartment and inspected her room. I gave my approval and was once again assailed by the feeling that I really needed to return the favors she had been pouring my way. She casually dismissed the feeling with a smirk that I had become familiar with, and invited me to simply do nothing except what I would naturally do.

I'm not completely sure how things happened, but of course I could simply blame nature. I doubt anyone reading this story would have trouble understanding what I meant if I told them to let nature take its course. I certainly felt like nature was figuratively dragging me around, like Haruhi had sometimes done literally.

Some people say that nature is like tumbling down a hill or like a leaf falling off a flower. In my personal experience, I would say that it's more like being caught walking around in a sudden downpour. At first, you look up in shock and wonder exactly what's going on, but then nature hammers it into your head very quickly what the situation is. You are then caught up in the feeling of the inevitability of it while you briefly feel embarrassed and start to wonder if you can escape the situation. After a minute or so of being pelted by nature's fingertips, you might then decide to hurry through it so you can find some relief from the constant and unrelenting contact. After some respite you might find yourself flinging yourself back into the maelstrom and even laughing with exhilaration. And so it goes until you finally find yourself coming home, more relieved and warm than you would normally feel, and all the more grateful to the storm for being a mild test of your willingness to withstand a little brief discomfort.

Of course, nature isn't always to blame. I mean, there's only so many things a guy and a girl can do for fun all by themselves who aren't really worried about the consequences. I'm fairly certain that Yuki would never be happy doing anything halfway. I don't mind admitting that I'm happy if she's happy. I'm just not always sure if she is happy.

The next thing I knew, it was morning. I was the first one up, so I decided to make some tea, and I sat drinking some, as Yuki entered and sat at her familiar place.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning," she answered.

"You want some tea?" I offered.

"No, thank you," she replied.

"I find that morning is the best time for it," I added some encouragement.

"You rely on its stimulating effects?" she asked.

"Don't you?" I wondered.

"I do not require stimulation," she said.

That reminded me, "The Suzumiya specter asked me whether you run on batteries."

"My interface only requires its data link," Yuki stated.

"So, I suppose the whole concept of interaction is just more data," I concluded.

I had only meant it as an innocent observation, but Yuki actually looked disturbed by the notion. She took a moment to collect herself and then said, "I think I will have some tea." She then took the teapot and poured a cup for herself.

"You know, you really mystify me, Yuki," I said softly.

"Do I?" she asked, flatly.

"I could never completely bring myself to think of you as an android, even when we first spoke," I said.

"What do you think of me?" she then asked, taking a sip of tea.

I seriously thought for a moment and answered, "I think of you as an honest, kind, and attractive young woman."

"Is that all?" she asked.

"Why do you ask?" I actually had the nerve to say. It pains me to think of this conversation, because it's so obvious to me now that she was just fishing for a simple statement of how I felt. "What do you think of me?" I asked her.

"I have changed in my opinion of you," she replied.

"Since last night?" I asked.

"Since we first met," she answered. "My dependency on your whims and primitive notions has grown exponentially. I find that as this data increases, it builds into a set that I think of as what you would term emotion."

I think this was her weird way of saying that she loved me. I answered, "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"And now you refer to me by first name?" she asked.

"Am I overstepping my boundaries?" I reflexively asked. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"You did not offend me," she supplied. "I simply noticed that you have dropped the formality of using my supposed family name."

"Well, at this point in a relationship," I explained, "I think that trust is a high priority."

"I would agree," she stated, "but I have never observed where trust can be safely discounted."

As I sat there wondering whether Yuki perceived trust as an absolute, I had another sip of tea. All this deep thinking was making me wonder what had prompted this discussion.

As if reading my mind, she said, "You recently inquired whether I would stop and think about what you want. My thoughts, as you call them, have not failed to include this consideration."

"I wasn't really addressing you, specifically," I stated.

"No, but it did include myself," she answered.

So, this had been bothering her. In defending myself to Koizumi, I had unintentionally revealed my apprehensions to Yuki. I then confessed, "Yes, it did, I admit. To be honest, I wasn't really sure whether I should completely trust you."

"So, have you changed in that determination?" she asked.

"Yes, I have," I replied. "I realize now that when you impulsively kissed me, it was out of a genuine feeling of affection, and not from some other impulse." I shook my head in amusement, realizing, "I'm even starting to talk like you."

Yuki had some more tea.

"Well," I continued, "suffice it to say that we've grown closer."

"And this will not prove to be a problem?" she asked, stabbing right at the heart of what had been in the back of my mind.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about that," I replied. "The more immediate problem, however, is what to do about those clones or whatever they are."

"Clones?"

"I just assumed you knew about them."

"This is the first occurrence of my encountering this data."

"Whoa! So, you don't know?"

"To whom are you referring, specifically?"

"Well, there's this other Mikuru Asahina and another guy who's identical to myself."

Yuki paused in thought for a moment, then stated, "The temporal anomaly from three hundred fourteen years, six months, eighteen days in the future has appeared."

"So, is that when Miss Asahina is from?" I guessed.

"That is when the Miss Asahina that you are familiar with is from," she answered.

"So, you know all that but you didn't know about these guys?" I asked, more confused with my question than with what I was asking.

Yuki seemed to understand, because she replied, "I have encountered them before. They had provided the necessary transition data for the return of the individuals from the alternate iteration of this universe."

"The universe you came from?" I asked.

"That is correct," she stated. "However, this input was forbidden by Miss Asahina when I had attempted transmission."

"Why?" I wondered.

"Miss Asahina is a highly-connected member of a strict organization," Yuki explained. "For her to break their regulations is not possible, nor can she permit their breakage."

"If that's the case," I asked, "then how did this situation come about?"

"That information is not available," Yuki replied.

"Is this something I should be worried about?" I then asked.

"Again, I would need more data," Yuki stated. "However, I doubt there is anything you can do that would improve the situation."

"Well, in that case..." I said, interrupted by a buzzing from my cell phone. I had forgotten I still had it on me. I took it out and looked at it. I sighed as I noticed who it was from.

"Something important?" Yuki asked.

"No," I replied. "It's just Miss Suzumiya." I put the phone back in my pocket.

"Are you going to ignore it?" she then asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'm letting the other me deal with her. I guess I forgot to tell him about the meeting this morning."

"Since this is your decision, I will join you," Yuki flatly added.

"All right," I said. "I could use a vacation from Suzumiya and her weird situations." 


	25. Chapter 25

- Chapter 6: An Interesting Day

Having successfully eluded capture by Haruhi, I set out to thoroughly enjoy myself with Yuki. I also wanted to show her that there was more to life than reading books and sipping tea. Fortunately, I had recently had a small windfall, and I had no intention of letting it go to waste on something as trivial as a trip to Europe.

I knew Yuki had experienced (at least vicariously) things of this nature, but I felt like Yuki and I needed to have some honest experiences, and not the bluntly contrived experiences that Haruhi seemed to think were important. Somehow, I had already felt that things were heading toward an important climax that would leave me filled with regret had I not at least attempted to express myself to her. I also had the feeling that, though she never showed it, she did truly appreciate it.

If this were a TV show, I suppose now might be a good time for a montage: Yuki and I visiting an art shop, Yuki and I sharing some snacks at a cafe, Yuki and I walking along a busy sidewalk. Yuki would be the one looking blandly disinterested while I made excited noises and chit-chatted about things that had been going on with other people.

Riding the train toward our five o'clock destination, we were spotted by the other me. "Hey!" he said, getting our attention.

"Oh, hey!" I answered. "Fancy meeting you here."

"I was just about to say the same thing," he remarked.

"Yeah, I know," I said.

"So, what's up?" he asked me.

"Oh, just going to see a movie," I replied. "You want to come along?"

"No thanks," he declined. "Three's a crowd, you know?"

"Right," I said, realizing. "Oh, and it might not be a good idea to hang around with me considering we might run into somebody we know."

"You missed one hell of a show this morning," he informed me, suddenly.

"Did I?" I wondered. "The usual weirdness or...?"

"No, no, no," he answered. "I'll tell you all about it at the station."

"Okay," I said.

Once we got off at the station and began walking toward our destination, the other me stated, "Yeah, my whole day was interesting. So, how did it go for you last night? You have any fun?"

"Well..." I replied. "I'm not really sure that's..."

The other me had a glance at Yuki and said, "Whoa! Forget I asked."

As I watched in amazement, Yuki blushed softly all the way to the ears. She innocently noticed and then asked me, "Why is there...?"

"Don't worry about it," I casually told her, thinking that this was the cutest that Yuki had ever proven to be.

"I know I said to have fun," the other me said, "but don't you think that might be going a bit overboard?"

"You may be me," I told him, "but you should really mind your own business."

"If you know me," he persisted, "you should realize that I can't do that."

I scowled and admitted, "You're right."

"I told you not to do anything I wouldn't do," he added.

"Can we just drop it?" I asked him.

"Okay," he said, relenting.

"Great," I said, relieved to be moving on. "So, about this morning?"

"Right," he said, eagerly continuing. "I figure it's a Sunday, so I can just lie around reading all day, right? Wrong."

"You got a special visitor?" I guessed.

"That's right," he replied. "Miss Suzumiya came over at about eight-thirty. She demanded to know why I wasn't answering my cell phone. I said, because no one called."

"We really need to do a better job of this, next time," I commented, a little disgusted with myself.

"Next time?" he wondered.

"It's nothing," I replied. "You were saying?"

"Miss Suzumiya had come over, as I said," he restated.

"And she was angry?" I prompted.

"She was beyond angry," he said with some mild amusement. "She was livid. I don't think I've ever seen a person so angry. She was so angry, she was trembling and barely able to form coherent sentences."

"What was she so angry about?" I asked.

"Something to do with the computer, was all she could say to me," he replied. "Then she said to come to the school club room. I go there, and we meet up with Koizumi, some techs, some teachers, the principal..."

I began laughing, picturing that scene. "Oh, wow!" I said. "I can't wait to hear what this is about."

"Yeah..." he answered. "Apparently somebody had installed some blogger software which wasn't exactly known for its robustness, and there had been an intrusion."

"Oops," I interjected, not actually regretting being so careless.

"Naturally," he continued, "Miss Suzumiya is itching to punch me because of the software, but she was too mortified by all the unwanted attention from the school officials, not to mention this other trivial matter."

"You seem to be leaving out the best part," I commented.

"You know me too well," he said. "Yes, anyway I slowly find out the reason for all this official investigation. It seems whoever had hacked the club's computer had also defaced the website with some rather rude fake pictures."

"Fake pictures of what?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to know," he replied. "I was questioned for about an hour. Naturally, I had no idea there was even any blogging software on the computer. I slowly realized that that was all your fault. Something you had neglected to mention."

"Interesting," I said, finally thinking over everything he had said. "I think I see where this is going, but please continue."

"Well, since you've already guessed the punchline," he said, "I'll go straight into the joke itself. I do a little digging around of my own at the local computer cafe. Nothing was amiss, of course. The website had been reverted to a recent backup."

"Yeah, I wrote a script that does that automatically," I explained.

"You did?" he asked.

"This isn't the first time the site has been hacked," I added.

"Okay," he acknowledged me. "Well, anyway, I do a little more digging around on some of the local message boards. Funny thing, but there were plenty of people talking about that incident. Some of the pictures were even still going around. Suffice it to say that they were not very flattering."

"Somebody had an axe to grind with Miss Suzumiya?" I concluded.

"That would be my guess," he agreed. "One of the postings was some guy calling attention to it just a few minutes before anyone else had noticed the site had been defaced. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the rest."

"So, needless to say," I added, "you didn't have a discussion about clones."

"Clones?" he said, plainly confused.

"Miss Suzumiya's topic for this week," I explained. "She had started research into the topic last night."

"Not a word," he answered, "but now that you mention it, clones does seem appropriate. I noticed the two Miss Asahinas looking for me. They didn't realize it was me because of the necklace. Hey, at least we got one thing right."

"I'm glad you remembered that," I said, thankful to salvage something from that mess.

"Excuse me for prying," he asked, "but is this a date?"

"I guess you could put it that way," I admitted. "Sure."

He turned to Yuki and asked, "Um... No offense, but what do you see in this guy? You realize he's just an ordinary loser, right?"

"I'm so modest," I muttered, a little mortified at myself.

"I'm being serious," he said. "This is just the kind of thing I would have bet money against."

I thought she would just answer him with her usual silence, but she replied, "Mind your own business."

"Ouch!" he said. "I guess my money is still safe as far as I'm concerned." 


	26. Chapter 26

- Chapter 7: The Showdown

The movie we watched was strange, but it never broke out of the style of a gritty, old-fashioned samurai action film. So, as Yuki and I were crossing the park on the way home, I was confused. I was slowly coming to realize that the villain was really the protagonist and the hero was just some random guy who struggled against both the protagonist and the samurai warriors (the antagonists) to try to forge an unlikely peace in the world.

Considering Yuki had wanted to see it, I probably would have endured something far worse. I wonder if she likes to torment me a little with these mind games. In watching the movie, I couldn't help but see myself in the hero's role, and I'm almost positive that it's ridiculous to wonder at that. Of course you see yourself in the hero's role. That's what the hero is for, right? Who wants to be the villain? Still, it struck me as oddly similar to myself.

The thing that was the most baffling was that, toward the end of the movie, there was a scene where the hero's long time friend and companion entered into a showdown with the hero. Well, that wasn't the really baffling part. You could see that coming a mile away. The thing that was baffling was that the villain, who seemed to have been killed about two-thirds of the way into the movie, mysteriously came back to life for a minute and saved the hero.

As I slowly started to realize that maybe the villain never really thought of himself as a villain, we came across Mikuru. I was just thinking that Mikuru was the long time friend and companion of the story of my life, and was playfully wondering what kind of showdown she might have with me.

"Hey," I said.

"There you are," she softly answered. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Any particular reason, my old friend?" I asked, using the hero's line from the movie.

Mikuru didn't strike me as stupid. Whatever she was up to, it wasn't like I was running rings around her. She was probably always a few brief minutes away from discovering me. Nevertheless, she confessed, "I'm such an idiot. You switched."

"Of course, I did," I said, once again mimicking the hero in that movie.

"Why? I asked you..." she said, fighting to keep her composure, "...to hold on to that necklace. Why couldn't you just keep it?"

"I guess I could have, but what's the big deal?" I said, taking her question seriously. Mikuru looked like I had just killed her pet cat, but all I really did was trick her into thinking I was at home. So what?

Mikuru turned to Yuki and demanded, "Why does this keep happening?"

"The temporal distortion was your own creation," Yuki replied.

"Not yet, it isn't," Mikuru said, adding some correcting gibberish to Yuki's.

"Your devices are clumsy and carry the danger of extreme malfunction," Yuki warned her.

"Um..." I started, getting interrupted.

"What are you doing here?" Mikuru asked Yuki in a strained tone of voice. "Why couldn't you just stay where you were?"

"Hey!" I said, not liking where this topic was heading.

Mikuru turned to me and needlessly asked, "So... You're really into her?"

"Don't tell me you're jealous," I said, refusing to believe something so stupid.

"What do you think?" Mikuru exclaimed in a very strange, hysterical way that caught me totally off-guard.

"Sorry," I softly replied, my mind reeling. How could she not be jealous of Haruhi, yet jealous of Nagato? It didn't make any sense.

Mikuru softly added, "You've led me on for so long, all I could ever think about was being with you. Did you know I used to dream about you and wake up with tears streaming down my face? Do you know how that feels?"

I wasn't sure whether I was more shocked at what she was saying or the fact that she was saying it out loud without blushing. This was obviously something she'd been thinking about for a long time, but if there had been any indication, I sure hadn't noticed.

"Be careful what you say," Yuki warned her.

"Or what?" Mikuru demanded, "I might get in trouble?"

"Miss Asahina..." I said, trying to inject some sanity into this discussion.

"Please stay out of this, Kyon..." Yuki said. Yuki seemed to be staring her down, and Mikuru trembled with her eyes fixed on Yuki like she was looking down the barrel of a loaded gun.

"Bastard," Mikuru softly said to me, a trembling desperation in her voice. "You must have lost your mind if you think things can just go back to normal. You've got no family, now. You can't go back home. You can't expect to go to school or get employed. You're nothing."

I snapped, and barked at her, "What are you? My mother? Screw you!" I immediately regretted it, because Mikuru flinched like I had just slapped her.

"Kyon..." Mikuru pleaded.

"That's enough," Yuki said. "Let's go."

"No!" Mikuru protested, slipping back into her role of the nutty companion-traitor.

Mikuru grabbed onto my arm for a moment, then had it suddenly wrenched away by Yuki. Yuki then took out a knife and brandished it at Mikuru.

"I do not desire violence," Yuki warned, "but if you do not comply..."

"Yuki!" I exclaimed, thinking this scene was strangely similar to when Yuki had defended me from Ryoko Asakura. I briefly wondered if there would suddenly be some weirdness like an alternate space or something of that nature.

As I was about to continue speaking, a bright swirling glow appeared nearby. Out of it stepped my personal villain, Haruhi, who was looking very disoriented.

"Where is that...?" Haruhi started.

"Miss Suzumiya?" Mikuru said.

"All right, guys," Haruhi commanded. "Whatever you're doing, you better cut it out or I'll kick your ass."

"But Miss Nagato..." Mikuru complained. "And Kyon, he..."

"Snap out of it, Mikuru!" Haruhi told her. "And Yuki!"

"Yes?" Yuki flatly asked, still brandishing the knife.

"What the hell is wrong with all of you?" Haruhi demanded. "Yuki, put that damn thing away!"

Yuki slowly lowered the knife and collected herself. "I apologize," she said to Mikuru.

"No," Mikuru answered, "I'm the one who started all this."

"That's better," Haruhi patronized us. "Now, everybody try to get along."

"We will," I added unnecessarily.

"And Kyon," she told me, "don't keep disappointing me. I'll kick your ass, too..." Haruhi then shimmered and disappeared as quickly as she appeared.

"Should I even ask?" I wondered.

"What the hell just happened?" Mikuru softly demanded.

Yuki paused in thought for a moment, then said, "That was..." She looked at Mikuru thoughtfully, then added, "It's classified." 


	27. Chapter 27

- Chapter 8: Life-Changing Moments

I slowly walked along with Mikuru that night toward a more private area of the park where we wouldn't be observed. Since Mikuru had apparently accepted the situation, Yuki gave her a few simple instructions, then asked a few more favors from me, letting me go wherever it was that Mikuru was headed.

"So," I asked her, "when Yuki said to take me home, she meant your home?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I mean, my home in the future."

"You're going to be in a lot of trouble, aren't you?" I asked her.

"Yeah, but it's okay," she answered. "I have someone to fill in for me."

"So do I," I said, "come to think of it. The 'more real' me, in fact."

She laughed and complained, "Oh jeez. Can't you take anything seriously?"

I sighed as I considered her complaint. Yes, I do actually take things seriously, although maybe not as much as Mikuru. It then occurred to me that, for Mikuru, pretty much everything is a matter of life or death. She even had a hard time adjusting to Haruhi making her wear various outfits. Maybe if she hadn't been so shy, things would have been different between us, but I just can't imagine it now. Mikuru had shown me a side of herself I didn't realize existed, so I'm not sure my image of her is even right. Thinking about that made me cringe, to think of what I had said to her.

"About what I said before," I said. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's okay," Mikuru said. "I'm sorry I said all those cruel things to you."

That all said, I don't think it would ever be the same between us again. Mikuru doesn't really strike me as the type to just overlook things like that, and she would be too embarrassed because of what she had said to me. Even more than that, I don't think Mikuru could see me the same way now that things had gone so far with Yuki.

"Is the future really different?" I asked.

"You'll adjust," she replied. For several long moments, Mikuru looked at me like she was deciding whether she wanted to upgrade her role to that of co-villain, then finally asked me, "So, is Miss Nagato going to join you?"

"She said she'd follow me soon," I replied. "I'm not sure what she meant by that."

I think Mikuru knew what she meant, because she turned away and suddenly wiped her face.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Wouldn't it be better to just leave me here?"

"No!" she exclaimed, then quickly collected herself. "No, I really don't want to ruin your life. And I'd rather not make Miss Suzumiya go through what I'm going through right now."

I recalled, "She's had it pretty hard, lately..."

We approached that bench where Mikuru was certain that we wouldn't be spotted, and I was totally unsurprised to see Haruhi sitting there, looking very down. I guess that's why she didn't seem to notice Mikuru's expression.

"Speaking of which..." I added.

"Miss Suzumiya?" Mikuru said, surprised.

"Oh, hey guys," she answered cheerfully. "What's up in the calm and sane world?"

"The usual," I replied. "Same old, same old. What up with you?"

"Well, I'm glad you asked," she said. "Thanks to all that trouble you caused, all kinds of stuff started going around like how I had acquired that computer in the first place."

"Really?" I wondered.

"Nothing came of it, of course," she smugly stated, "but damn! I had to wait and talk half the day in the principal's office while about twenty different guys made complaints about me. I thought I was stuck in a dog pound wearing dog food pants."

"Sorry," I said.

"Don't apologize," she told me, annoyed at my habitual diplomacy. "It wasn't your fault. I should have been more careful and straight-forward to begin with. I don't know what I was thinking. Why the hell did I even want a computer in the first place?"

"At least it's all over, right?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied, strangely thoughtful. "This is just the kind of thing that can come back to haunt you. I mean, do you even know what it's like to have something so life-changing going on around you?"

"I guess I don't," I admitted, not really at that point just yet.

Haruhi then put her face in her hands. For a few moments, I wasn't sure what was going on, but then I noticed she was shaking. "Are you all right?" I gently asked.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, but with a big grin on her face. I could see she was laughing somehow through her tears. "God!" she exclaimed. "You were totally right, Kyon! I'm sorry I ever said anything bad about you." I must have made a face like I thought she was being sarcastic, because she stood up and said, "No, really. I get it, now. You were right."

Seeing Haruhi like this was really stunning. I was completely at a loss for words.

"Hey, Mikuru," Haruhi said.

"Yes?" Mikuru answered.

"From now on," Haruhi cheerfully proclaimed, "it's all about the moe!"

"Moe?" Mikuru softly wondered.

"I'm going to need your moe," Haruhi explained. "We're going to do nothing but photo shoots. No more stupid computer crap." Haruhi then turned to me and said, "Looks like I'll need to revise your brigade duties, Kyon. You get ready for some changes."

"I'm looking forward to it," I casually replied, wondering how the other me would react to this news.

Haruhi seemed firmly resolved on this new course, and promptly left. It then seemed to occur to both of us that neither one of us was going to be dealing with this Haruhi ever again, and we began laughing at the thought of it.

"So, are you ready to use your moe?" I asked her.

"Are you ready for your new duties?" she asked me.

As we stood there enjoying the moment, a soft flash of light appeared and a strange little girl who looked around seven or eight stepped out of it. The girl immediately demanded, "What are you guys waiting for? Let's go!"

"Who the heck...?" I said, not realizing until later that this was the not-so-famous little sister I had heard about. 


	28. Chapter 28

- Chapter 9: A Long Way To Go

So, here I am in the future. Is it really different? Of course, it is. Not enough for me to say you should be worried or more concerned than normal. If anything, I think people are even less interesting now than they were in your time, but sure. A lot has changed. I can't really talk about it, though, because (as I'm sure you know by now) it's classified.

After a short stay at the classified Bureau of Temporal Displacement, I found myself transferred into the classified custody of a young couple. They seem nice, and they had the advantage of having already taken in my classified little sister, who I now came to know. She is pretty nice, as the specter of Haruhi had told me, so things were more-or-less back to normal.

When things had seemed to be settled, a book arrived in the mail for me. It had the oddly familiar bookmark with a note stating a rendezvous at a park. This park was no different from any other park I've ever been in: fancy architecture within a tree garden. Walkways, fences, water fountains, and the odd proof that artists never tire of being self-indulgent freaks at conspicuous locations.

A young woman approached, and at first, I didn't recognize her because of the difference in clothing style, but then I realized it was Mikuru. She strolled along in her plain tunic and khakis like anyone else, looking for all the world like an ordinary resident until she spotted me, at which point she became excited, and she cheerfully approached.

"Hey, Miss Asahina," I said.

"Hello, Kyon," she answered.

I sighed, thinking that even in the future I couldn't get away from that nickname. Although, now that I had a little sister, the nickname seemed to make a lot more sense.

"Looks like you got off easy," I observed, not really sure what all the trouble was about.

"Yeah," she admitted, "mostly I just have to wear this tracker." Having said that, she showed me a convincing-looking necklace, adorned with an oddly shaped medallion. It was mostly circular, but had a kind of sophisticated design that was oddly familiar. When I really looked at it, it kind of resembled the SOS Brigade logo.

"You've gotta be kidding me," I said.

"I know," she added. "Weird, huh?"

"It's like we never left the SOS Brigade," I commented casually.

Mikuru took a long breath and said, "Kyon, I apologize for what happened and what you went through." I was about to object to this, but she firmly stated, "Please. This is all part of my plea agreement."

"Okay," I said, not really sure I wanted to know why this was necessary.

"I was angry and bitter, and I had intended to return to the past..." She thought for a moment and corrected herself, "I mean, the further past. That is, I was going to try to encounter you from the time just before the school festival and take you away."

That got my attention. Mikuru wanted to abduct me? I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"I was going to try to convince you to run away with me," she continued, "and that seems to be one of the odd temporal iterations that I had created in this intention." She then sighed with relief and looked down, embarrassed. "Well, that's about it," she added. "I have some exams to get to, so I'll see you later."

"Well, good luck on your exams," I said.

She chuckled and said, "Silly Kyon. Luck has nothing to do with it."

"Later," I said.

"Later," she answered, happily strolling away.

I guess I had been a little too eager to get to this rendezvous, because I seemed to have arrived quite a bit earlier than the note indicated. That's one nice thing about the future. Getting around isn't a problem. Nowadays, people have a lot more difficulty in their heads than with their feet. It gave me a lot of time to think about things, and to wonder where we had gone so wrong in the world.

I know I said this stuff is classified, but seriously. Time travel is nothing to these people. It's this big secret, but it's a really badly kept secret. Just like how they were all freaking out about the huge temporal rift created by Haruhi. That was supposed to be a big secret, but everybody knew about it.

Eventually, some genius came up with what they began calling the "Bill and Ted" method of getting around the Haruhi temporal rifts. Basically, they would put messages meant for the future into a kind of time capsule in the hope that some future person would relay that task to whenever they did eventually get around the temporal distortion. I believe the more official term for it is "temporal risk mitigation investments."

Suffice it to say that we have to have a lot more regulation when it comes to markets and business. It's actually all controlled by the government, which is not all that different from your time, but it still pisses me off somehow. I guess I could go on and on about politics, but I doubt we'll ever get that right.

Another big secret that everyone seems to know about is the fact that they have a strange fixation with cloning Haruhi Suzumiya. Last I heard, there were roughly two million of those clones going around. Seriously. But, why would someone want to clone Haruhi? I don't know all the details, but some scientists got it into their heads that they could use her clones to create new universes.

Aside from the fact that I can't seem to get away from Haruhi, it irks me that people would actually do something so irresponsible. They talk about it in hushed tones of wonder and admiration, and I just sigh and pinch myself in a vain attempt to wake up from this weird dream.

The problem with all this Haruhi weirdness is that if they do succeed in creating new universes, those universes themselves would most likely then spawn their own Haruhis and their own universes and so on. You would increase the number of universes exponentially. No telling what kind of cramp that might give the cosmos, if that makes any sense. The other, more disturbing thing about it is the fact that we ourselves might be the result of a universe spawned in that way. Just thinking about that possibility makes my head spin.

I'm so glad that there's another me looking after the real Haruhi in your time. I can't imagine what life would be like now had all that weirdness just exploded into the world without any restraints on it.

That kind of life isn't for me, but I can't imagine what life should be like. Naturally, the moment I start thinking this way, I see Yuki.

"Kyon?" she flatly asked.

"Yuki?" I answered.

I stood and went to her, and we greeted each other with a kiss. That seemed to confirm that it was her.

"Good afternoon," she said.

"Seems like such a long time," I said, thinking about everything that had happened, recently.

"Really?" she asked. "Seems like you left just yesterday."

"So," I asked her, "did you just arrive?"

"Arrive?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "I just assumed you time-traveled like I just did."

Yuki then looked at me with that unreadable expression on her face. I think it's her way of showing confusion.

"Don't tell me you just waited the entire three hundred years," I said.

"I had a few things left to do," she explained with a familiar smirk.

With that, she reminded me of how android-like she is while also bursting the illusion of her being an android. I know she isn't an android, but it's rare that she ever shows the world her true personality. At least, I really hope it is her true personality. I really don't want to go through life thinking that she is an android. Not that I would have a problem with her, even if she was.

The thing about people is that we are all really just data interfaces for some higher-level function of some kind. I've never been too clear on what higher-level data amounts to, but really. Who cares? The important thing is that we are all basically the same.

Thinking this way started me to wonder about Yuki. Does she sometimes get jealous? I think so. Somehow, I doubt she would have stayed in this universe in the first place if she hadn't experienced something similar to that. She would never admit any of this, I know. Her personality would not permit it and if she was an android, she wouldn't see the relevance in explaining it.

And where did this personality come from? Is it the real Yuki or just a character that she puts on? I really don't know. Somehow, I doubt it makes any real difference, but maybe that's just the Yuki side of me talking. To me, this strength of will and unwavering (if sometimes strangely inconsistent) determination defines the ideal woman. I don't think it's just in my head, either. I think her data is building into a set that I might term emotion, myself.

As I started to notice that we had been walking for a while in silence, we slowly approached another water fountain. We stopped for a few minutes to take in the view.

Something about fountains makes me feel sentimental. I doubt I'm the only one, but I wonder if Yuki gets like that, too. What would I feel like if I had waited for her for so long? I know that it would pain me enough that I would expect her to make up for all that time, somehow. This was just typical Yuki, though. She always finds a way to make me feel even more indebted to her.

"So, what was it like being by yourself for three hundred years?" I asked.

She tonelessly replied, "I was starting to enjoy it before you showed up."

- Fin 


	29. Chapter 29

- Extra:

* * *

Yuki's favorite Bender quotes (imagine these delivered in a flat tone of voice):

"What do you mean 'we', flesh-tube?"  
"Everybody's a jerk. You, me, this jerk."  
"Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder."  
"Stay away from our women. You've got metal fever, boy. Metal fever."  
"Let's face it, comedy's a dead art form. Tragedy, now that's funny."

* * *

Obligatory anecdote (a nonexistent conversation):

Author #2: All right. Jig's up, dude. You're busted.

Author #1: What's up?

Author #2: You have to ask? What do you call that wall of text in chapter five?

Author #1: (chuckling) I call it a paragraph.

Author #2: Yeah, right. You want to try again?

Author #1: Okay, I see where you're going with this, but the fact of the matter is that it's a metaphor for making out, and it has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

Author #2: Oh, I see. You think I'm stupid? Come on.

Author #1: (laughing) What are you talking about? You just have a dirty mind, you pervert.

Author #2: ...

* * *

About Blogging (chapter 1):

Kyon: Hey Nagato, you know anything about blogging?

Yuki: Of course.

Kyon: I don't suppose you have any experience setting these things up?

Yuki: Isn't a blog just a simplified interface for modifying the site's data?

Kyon: I guess so.

Yuki: Why would you need special software for that?

Kyon: You know, I have no idea.

* * *

About the Necklaces (chapter 1):

Kyon: (showing the necklace) I don't suppose there's anything special about this.

Yuki: You have Miss Asahina's necklace.

Kyon: Yeah... How did you know it was hers?

Yuki: Each one carries its own independent space, unique to each necklace.

Kyon: Really?

Yuki: Furthermore, each of those spaces is linked so they can be tracked and identified.

Kyon: (muttering) I really should have known.

* * *

It Catches the Eye (chapter 2):

Kyon: That blue TV is an unusual color.

Yuki: Is it?

Kyon: Even sitting in the corner like that, it kind of sticks out a bit.

Yuki: Would you prefer some other color?

Kyon: No, I'm just saying it's unusual.

Yuki: Okay.

Kyon: (keeps looking at the TV) ...

Yuki: You sure?

Kyon: Yeah.

* * *

No, Really (chapter 2):

Yuki: It's okay, really.

Kyon: What?

Yuki: About the bedroom. It really wouldn't impress you that much.

Kyon: I suppose, but you know...

Yuki: Yes?

Kyon: Well, going into a girl's bedroom. It's kind of...

Yuki: You didn't have any trouble, previously.

Kyon: I didn't realize it was your bedroom, at the time.

Yuki: Go on. Trust me.

Kyon: ...

* * *

An Outsider's Opinion (chapter 3):

Kyon: Let me ask you something.

Mikuru #1: What is it?

Kyon: You overheard?

Mikuru #1: Yeah, so?

Kyon: You think Miss Suzumiya got her work done faster than me?

Mikuru #1: I... (hesitating) I do kind of find that hard to believe.

* * *

Too Personal? (chapter 3):

Kyon: I'm just curious... I hope you don't mind.

Mikuru #1: No problem. What is it?

Kyon: I'm going to go see a movie with Miss Nagato tomorrow. Would you consider that a date?

Mikuru #1: (stunned for a moment) Um... Yeah, that does sound like a date.

Kyon: So, is there anything I should do? I don't want to be rude or anything.

Mikuru #1: (having some difficulty) I really have no idea what to say.

Kyon: Sorry, I guess it's too personal.

Mikuru #1: (nervously laughing) No, it's no problem.

* * *

Nomenclature (chapter 4):

Kyon #2: Oh, I just realized...

Kyon #1: What?

Kyon #2: You said "Mikurus" before. So, does that mean...?

Kyon #1: (promptly) No.

Kyon #2: It kind of gave me that impression, but I suppose if it's just the two of us...

Kyon #1: Yeah. I mean, I do think of her as "Mikuru," but in public conversation...

Kyon #2: ...it's still "Miss Asahina." Okay, got it.

* * *

It's Just Crazy (chapter 4):

Kyon #1: I really have to know something.

Kyon #2: What?

Kyon #1: What's the future like?

Kyon #2: You really want to know?

Kyon #1: Yeah.

Kyon #2: It's crazy. I'm kind of glad I came back.

Kyon #1: What's crazy about it?

Kyon #2: Hmm... I'm not sure how to describe it.

* * *

The Verdict (chapter 5):

Kyon: (looking in the bedroom) Nice.

Yuki: You see?

Kyon: Yeah, it looks great.

Yuki: So...

Kyon: Yeah, you were right. I mean, I'm impressed, but that's it. No big deal.

Yuki: ...

* * *

Winning... At Playing Hard To Get (chapter 5):

Kyon: (watching TV with Yuki) Oh man! That was hilarious!

Later...

Kyon: (playing a card game with Yuki) I'm on a roll! You sure you want to keep playing me?

Later...

Kyon: (playing mahjong with Yuki) I've got you beat. You up for another go?

Yuki: You know what? Just do what you would naturally do.

Kyon: Naturally? (thinks for a moment) Is that what you want?

Yuki: I insist.

* * *

An Interesting Picture (chapter 6):

Kyon #2: (beckoning to Kyon #1) Come here.

Kyon #1: What?

Kyon #2: (unfolding a printout) Check this out.

Kyon #1: Whoa! Is that one of those pictures?

Kyon #2: One of the more inspired ones, I thought.

Kyon #1: (very shocked) That's...

Kyon #2: I know. It's awesome, right?

* * *

An Interesting Movie (chapter 6):

Kyon and Yuki are watching the movie. Kyon is fascinated while Yuki looks a little bored.

Hero: (pleading) Would you just give me another chance? There's no reason for any of this. I've got all the supplies you need back at my shop...

Later, Kyon starts to look confused while Yuki starts to look interested.

Villain: (very casual) A man who starts on a job and doesn't see it through is not worth my time. Sometimes, you have to get your hands a little dirty when it comes right down to it...

Later, Kyon looks a little disgusted while Yuki is even more interested.

Hero: (angry) You really piss me off! How old do you think that kid was? Fourteen? Fifteen?

Villain: (a little defensive) Oh. Well, excuse me. I didn't know you were in charge here. Are you my boss? No? Anyway, I told the guy to drop his spear. He waved it in my face. What did you think was going to happen?

Later, Kyon looks a little horrified as Yuki looks on with intense interest.

Villain: (a little irritated) I'm getting a little tired of all this whining.

Kyon flinches at the violent image.

Hero: (relieved) I should have just taken the money in the first place.

Villain: (exhausted) Nah... The guy had it coming.

Yuki smiles as Kyon recoils in shock at the next image.

* * *

A Horrible Movie (chapter 7):

Kyon: So, in the end, the hero dies. Not to mention his friend and the villain.

Mikuru: So, who survives?

Kyon: Well, let's see. The villagers survive, and most of the samurai. Oh, and the general somehow survives, too.

Mikuru: So, everybody who tried to kill the hero lives?

Kyon: Yeah, I guess that's what it amounts to.

Mikuru: What a horrible movie.

Kyon: ...

Mikuru: What?

Kyon: I... really liked it.

* * *

A Horrible Person (chapter 7):

Kyon: I... have a confession to make.

Mikuru: What?

Kyon: You remember how I said I threw out that necklace?

Mikuru: Yeah.

Kyon: (pulls his necklace out his pocket) I lied.

Mikuru: You jerk!

* * *

An Unfortunate Slip (chapter 8):

Kyon: So, Miss Suzumiya really likes me?

Mikuru: How did you come to that conclusion?

Kyon: Well, you sort of implied it there a few minutes ago.

Mikuru: Oh jeez...

Kyon: I'm sorry, but I couldn't help realizing.

Mikuru: Why are we even discussing this?

Kyon: Never mind.

* * *

A Scary Thought (chapter 8)

Mikuru: So, what did Miss Suzumiya mean when she said "life-changing?"

Kyon: You didn't hear about the computer?

Mikuru: No. What happened?

Kyon: She got busted posting naked pictures of herself.

Mikuru: (stunned for a moment) Oh, you're kidding!

Kyon: (grinning) Yeah, it was just another hacker.

Mikuru: Don't scare me like that!

* * *

A Confusing Turn of Events (chapter 9):

Kyon: One thing I don't understand... What exactly was that Haruhi Suzumiya we saw?

Yuki: Which one?

Kyon: You know, the one who told you to put the knife away.

Yuki: That was the Haruhi Suzumiya from just before she became a higher-level data remnant.

Kyon: The Suzumiya specter? How on Earth do you know that?

Yuki: Because she told me.

Kyon: When did she tell you?

Yuki: (smirking) When I asked her about it.

Kyon: Okay, now I'm even more confused...

* * *

A Tragic Turn of Events (chapter 9):

Kyon: Well, at least I finally managed to ditch Koizumi.

Yuki: You think so?

Kyon: What?

Yuki: Haven't you noticed how most of your people tend to act, nowadays?

Kyon: (thinking for a moment) Oh, crap.

* * *

Obligatory afterward (from two non-existing authors):

Author #1: Well, that's it. I'm finished murdering these darlings. Anything you want to say?

Author #2: To all you readers, thanks for enduring this crap-storm. I can't think of a better way to describe it.

Author #1: Not to mention all my stupid side stories that really should have been aborted before birth.

Author #2: Sorry. Maybe you'll luck out and read something better next time. 


End file.
